25 weeks, #2

Only 15 more weeks to go with this pregnancy, assuming she arrives at 40 weeks. That means I only have 9,5 more weeks of work and I’m off all of next week, so really, it’s only 8,5 weeks. Ack! Time is flying.

I’ve been feeling quite cruddy in the late afternoons and evenings this entire last week. It seems that about the time I get off work and go pick Paxlet up from daycare that my tummy is just done and over with it all for the day. I quite often feel pressure and discomfort in my pubic/low groin area when standing. I know I am having Braxton hicks semi-regularly. They aren’t painful, but I do feel them, which is what I am assuming most of the low pressure is. It’s difficult to stand up (even from a regular kitchen chair), bend over, squat down, climb stairs or any other sort of movement. However, I wonder how much of this is just tiredness and my over thinking things. I feel like all I do is complain about my discomfort and not-very-good-moodiness. On the flip side, I’ve had several people tell me to call the doctor and see what is up. So, I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow.

This week Tadbit should be about the size of a rutabaga. How appropriate, I think, with xmas coming up and Rutabaga casserole (lanttulaatikko) on the xmas table spread. But if I think about it too much, it sort of creeps me out to compare my baby to foods I like.

We’re going to Mr Siili’s parents for xmas, like we do every year. I know I should try to rest, but I have no idea how much of that will happen. I am sure I can easily get out of any pre-xmas cleaning, but I’ll still feel guilty. I haven’t figured out what cookies I want to make for gifts this year, much less done any of the baking yet. I am just too tired and achy in the evenings. I may end up giving IOUs for later in the year.

Paxlet is sleeping quite well most nights now, I haven’t been sleeping so well. I’ve had a stuffed up nose, that causes me to be a mouth breather and snorer, which in turn painfully dries my mouth out. So I wake up with a paper dry mouth, to drink some water. And then drinking water is making me have to go pee even more. Woe is me! LOL It seems to be a bit better the last couple of nights, but not 100%.

I got the flu shot last week’s Friday. My shoulder was sore for a few days and that’s all.

Other than feeling like I am complaining a lot, there isn’t so much to tell about this week. We’ve got snow! It’s beautiful. Christmas is coming and it doesn’t feel like it.

#MicroblogMonday – Waddle waddle

I waddle. I have been waddling for quite some time already during this pregnancy. It may not have been as pronounced or noticeable to others, but I have been waddling. However, lately, my waddle is definitely more pronounced. In fact, I find it much easier to waddle than walk normally. Especially if I have to walk longer distances. Except, now that there is snow and ice on the ground, waddling is quite dangerous and so I find myself walking semi-normally, but very slow and tensed up. Ouch. I am NOT going to slip on ice and fall. I also need to learn to walk with my hands out of my pockets. Just in case…

I am definitely not excited about being heavily pregnant during the winter.

MicroblogMonday For more microposts, go visit Mel’s post at Stirrup Queens.

Good bye little frozen embryo

Three years ago at the end of November/beginning of December we were finishing up our third and final fresh round of IVF through the public health system. From this round, we ended up with 3 embryos. Two of these were transferred into my uterus (one of these became Paxlet) and one was frozen. Our clinic will keep embryos frozen fro 3 years, without any charge. Knowing this, I was ready to call them at the beginning of August this year to do our very last FET with our final lonely little embryo. This never happened, as I magically fell pregnant in the cycle just before August.

While we were in the US, we received a letter asking what we wanted to do with our last embryo:
1. Store it for another 3 years for 321€.
2. Use it now.
3. Donate it to “science” for stem cell research.
4. Have it destroyed.

For me it was a no-brainer decision: donate it for stem cell research. We won’t be using it. We are done growing our family. Even if shit hits the fan with this pregnancy, I think know we are done. Mr Siili and I filled in the consent papers and I put the envelope in the mail today. There is no going back now.

Good bye little embryo! I am not sad about this good bye. You gave me hope during the last 3 years. You were the “what-if” if we ever decided to try one last time. In the end, we have been fortunate enough to not need you. I am ready to let you go and do what you can in hopes of helping others.

23-24 weeks, #2

24 weeks today! That means viability has been reached! I’ll still be even more grateful for each day and month Tadbit continues to stay put.

We’ve been back in Finland for 2 weeks now and everything only just getting back to normal. Paxlet didn’t sleep well at all until a couple of nights ago, Mr Siili and I were exhausted from that and my tummy was hurting quite a bit from the strain of not getting any rest. It just so happened that I had a neuvola (midwife) appointment on the Monday following our return to Finland. She booked me a doctor’s appointment for Tuesday morning and that doctor gave me a week off work. So, I’ve only just started back at work this week, yesterday (Wednesday).

At the neuvola appointment my hemoglobin was tested and the iron pills I have been taking have helped! Still nothing in my urine. Yay! And I was informed that as my blood-sugar test was normal during my last pregnancy, I don’t need to do it this time. Woohoo! When the neuvola nurse tried to listen to Tadbit’s heartbeat, she wiggled away from the doppler. She sure is taking after her mom. LOL

At the neuvola appointment, I also received my certificate of this pregnancy lasting for XX number of days (over 100 and something… I never remember the exact number of days). It allows me and Mr Siili to apply for social benefits such as maternity/paternity leave and pay. It also allows us to get the maternity package or the money instead of the package (especially since we have so much baby stuff still left from Paxlet).

As I said, I got a week off work to try and rest and recover. The doctor checked my tummy. It was nice and soft she said. Then she did an internal exam. The exam itself didn’t hurt too much, but part of her gloves were not lubed and that did hurt outside part of my lady bits. She also poked around quite a bit, as my cervix is nice and high and thick. I was sure I would bleed a bit from the check, but I didn’t. I did lay in bed and rest some during this week, but even that starts hurting after a while.

My tummy is sometimes better, sometimes not. As Paxlet started sleeping more, it hurt later in the day each day. But it still hurts or at least aches. I went for a slow walk with a friend last week and I was so very sore afterward. :( This time around, my bump is much more achy and sore sooner than with Paxlet.
In recent days, especially in the afternoons and evenings, my bump just feels…full. Almost like I’ve eaten a huge meal and I’m full of food. Except I haven’t. My tummy is just full of…baby? And very uncomfortable. I’m going to try and eat less food, but more often and see if that helps. If anyone else has ideas or suggestions, I’m all up for trying to reduce this fullness.

With Paxlet, I had no clue what Braxton Hicks felt like. I mean, I knew what they were, from reading about them, but I just wasn’t sure of what they were for me personally. It wasn’t until quite late in the pregnancy when I was having a BH at a neuvola appointment that she pointed it out to me. So, now I know. And this time I am having a decent amount of them. They aren’t painful, yet. Nor regular. Mostly, they are just annoying.

Waddling is definitely much easier for getting around than trying to walk normal. And walking any sort of distance just isn’t fun. It is also quite slow going.

I don’t think I’m that moody, but Mr Siili thinks otherwise. Sometimes, he just does or says stupid sh…stuff. I do feel that he blames everything on pregnancy and hormones and I am not allowed to have feeling and emotions all my own, just because a situation warrants it. He isn’t a saint either.

My belly button getting quite flat. I think I’ll definitely have an outtie this time. *shudder*

Tadbit generally moves quite a bit. But earlier this week she wasn’t moving too much. I was a tiny bit concerned, but she was still moving some. Today she moved quite a bit, so I’m relieved. I’m not sure if it was the coffee, sugar or just her moving around because she wanted to. I also wonder if she had turned into a different position and so was kicking me in places I just couldn’t feel it as well?

I’ve gained just a bit over 6 kilos (13,2 pounds) so far. It’s roughly where I was with Paxlet. I was sure I had gained much more weight while in the US. I ate tons of junk food!

Today I wore my favorite pair of black stretch maternity pants. I am so glad I hadn’t gotten rid of them yet. I need to buy a new bra. My current bra size is 75F, what next? I hate bra shopping.

I sort of had some cravings this last week. Somewhere I saw blue cheese and decided I had to have it. Yum!! And then I read on FB that someone was wondering if it was possible to buy Salt and Vinegar chips in town…and I had to have some. When I bought themf rom the store, I couldn’t wait until I got home to open the bag, so I started munching in the car. I thoroughly enjoyed them, with nom-nom sounds and all!

When people ask if we know the gender, I tell them “it is supposed to be a girl”. I’ll fully believe it when I see it at birth.
I saw the cutest girly outfit the other day. It was a pink body/onsie with some tu-tu tule around it, with a bird printed on it, but I didn’t buy it. Mostly because it was pink. I know where it is, so it might end up in Tadbit’s wardrobe anyway.

I’m still not feeling fully connected to this pregnancy. At least not like I remember being with Paxlet. However, I didn’t feel…fully connected with him either until he was born, at least not in the way I’ve heard/read others have connected. Feeling kicks and punches from Tadbit does help make it more real.

My freak out thought this week? How the hell am I going to cope with 2 kids?

Don’t flush the toilet!!

Finally, after almost two weeks of being back in Finland, Paxlet slept until 6am!!!!!!! I, on the other hand, woke up at 2am, 3:50am and lastly at 5am where I couldn’t sleep for a bit. During this last waking, Mr Siili got up to use the bathroom and I loudly whispered to him, “whatever you do, don’t flush!”. As I am sure that is the reason Paxlet woke up the morning before at 5am and wouldn’t go back to sleep.

This wake-up time isn’t quite what it was before the trip, but I’ll take it. Six in the morning is perfectly acceptable to me, for now. Fingers crossed that this isn’t a one night sleep.

#MicroblogMonday – Sleep less and pain full

I’ve been wanting to write about our trip to the US, but I’ve been so exhausted, in pain and not getting enough sleep/rest, even with being on sick leave this last week. Paxlet is still not sleeping through the night. But now instead of 2-3 (or more) wake-ups, it is generally only one. And he doesn’t usually ask to drink or eat anymore during the night. But, these night wake-ups take their toll on Mr Siili and me. As I said, I’m on sick leave for exhaustion and pain around my tummy. The pain has only gotten worse as the week has gone on. I don’t think it is anything to worry about, as it seems to get worse the more active I am and the more up-and-down I am in the middle of the night with Paxlet. Tomorrow (Tuesday) is my last day. I hope for a miracle that Paxlet starts sleeping through the night tonight, but it is highly unlikely.

MicroblogMonday For more microposts, go visit Mel’s post at Stirrup Queens.

20 years ago on this night…

…my then boyfriend (ex) and best friend (T) were in a car wreck.
tomjuicecarwreck
We were coming home from a friend’s house around midnight. It was about a 30 minute drive and no one was talking, we were all just quietly passing the time until we got home. About 10 miles outside of town is where I hit black ice. What happened next feels like it went in slow motion, yet is happened so quickly. I remember my ex saying “Whoah”, there were head lights coming towards us and I was trying not to over steer or correct. It went black, we spun at least 180 (maybe even 540) and then we rolled one and half times down the ditch. I count a half because the car tried to roll again, but couldn’t make it up the other side of the ditch and landed with a heavy thud, rubber down. It was deathly quiet. I could see my ex sitting next to me just fine, but T didn’t make a peep. I asked in a panicked voice if she was ok, at least twice. She finally replied in what sounded like a very shocked voice that she was fine.

I then tried to get out of the car, but as it was uphill, my heavy-made-of-real-metal door wasn’t the easiest to open. When I did get it open and out of the car, I thought the train tracks were the road we were just driving on. It took a few minutes and my ex telling me where I was sitting for it to sink in. And then I freaked out a bit: I had just wrecked my stepmom’s car*!! I think I hyperventilated a bit, most likely cried and just over all lost it. I did ask for Mr Ribbit, my gigantic frog that I kept in the back seat, buckled up. (T had given him to me the summer before.) Yes, he had his seat belt on too.
100_3513
My ex went to the road and tried to flag someone down, but people kept driving on by. Finally an off duty cop (or some sort of official person) stopped and my ex told him that there were two cop cars just up ahead in the direction he was driving, could he go to them and tell them we had just wrecked. A bit later one of the cop cars arrived to take us home. The three four of us piled in: T in the front seat, my ex, Mr Ribbit and I in the back. The cop kept asking if we had been drinking (no), smoking pot (no) or any other drugs (no!). I also remember that there was a not-quite-right sound coming from the car. Like it had something wrong with one of its wheels, which freaked me out at the time.

Once in the cop car, I had to figure out which home I wanted to be taken to: My mom’s house, which was closer, or my dad’s house, which is where I lived at the moment. I honestly didn’t want to have to talk to any of them in the middle of the night. I chose my dad’s house. The cop waited outside until we were able to get someone in the house awake. I went to my dad and stepmom’s room, trying to quietly wake up my dad. However, my dad and stepmom had switched sides of the bed and I was shaking my stepmom. I held it together long enough to say “We’ve been in a car wreck, but we’re ok”. And then I started bawling. At this point my dad finally wakes up, groggy and disoriented. He’s a heavy (and deaf in one ear) sleeper. My ex and I stayed at my dad’s and stepmom’s, where, as I said, I lived at the time. My friend T called her parents who came and got her and took her to the ER to get checked out.
100_3514
The next morning, we drove out to my car to see how bad it was. As we were there trying to figure out how to pull the car out, another car slid on black ice and wrecked. You see, it really wasn’t my fault we wrecked. That area/corner was famous for wrecks in the winter. The sun didn’t shine on the road during the day and black ice formed. With the help of my uncle, we got the car out and I was towed home.

Even to this day, I know how lucky we were. There were several factors that were just right, that made it so that we walked away with only minor scratches and bruises. We all had our seat belts on. My car (GAL) was made of real metal and didn’t crumple. She was a 1964 Plymouth Dodge, V8 engine. We didn’t have a 4th person with us that night that should have been with us. I believe that she would have altered the weight and pushed us into the telephone pole that we JUST missed (you can see it in the left of the top photo). We were just so fortunate that night.
100_3516
GAL survived quite well too. She only needed one headlight replaced, the tires removed, cleaned and put back on and the biggest headache: finding a new/used radiator that would fit a V8 engine. She also had some fracture line cracks around the 4 corners on roof, a dent in the back panel above/around the wheel on the driver-side and she leaked a bit more afterward, but I drove her around for many months more before I returned her to my dad and stepmom when I bought myself my own first used car.

*It was my dad and stepmom’s car, given to me on “permanent loan”, until I didn’t want it anymore.