#MicroblogMonday – My Heart 

​The sweetest gift I’ve gotten in ages. Paxlet was at the store with his dad, saw this and wanted to buy it for me. With his own money even. It was only 0,20 cents, but he didnt know that when he picked it out. My boy has my heart.

What did Paxlet remember from the weekend, when asked by the daycare lady? Momma got a new winter jacket that is warm and not green, so I might not be recognized when I pick up the kids. I’m also happy about my new jacket. 

#MicroblogMonday – This and That #5 aka Mind-dump Monday

Welcome to the next year, everyone! I hope 2017 is kind to you and that it lives up to your expectations.

Sorry for the long post today, but this has all been percolating in my brain for some time.

I learned about my good friend’s daughter’s diagnosis of depression last week. It’s sad to see it affect someone so young. She’s only 7. If you have any book suggestions or resources where they can look, I’d love to be able to pass it on to them.

I’m glad Xmas is over. Such a build up to the event and then it’s over in an evening/morning. Many years it feels as if I stress and stress and it doesn’t really go like I planned or thought it would be in my head. This year was no different. Both kids were mildly sick (fever and snuffly-coughs), so we didn’t make it to the cousins for Xmas. It would have been the first time, ever. We didn’t have a tree, but we did have decorations we made and lots of Xmas food I made. I don’t know what exactly it is I expect of or from Xmas, but I was bummed. However, as I drove to the cousins’ house to drop off/pick up gifts, I cried and worked out my stress and frustrations. Xmas is about being with family. This year it was going to be with the cousins, instead of at my in-laws (or my own family, which has been waaay too long). When that didn’t work out, I was upset. But then it dawned on me, I have my own family now! A family that I have longed for and wanted for so long. That realization helped me calm down and mostly remain focused on what I wanted from Xmas this year: to see my kids (and Mr Siili) happy and loved. It worked.

I did get to Skype with my family on Xmas eve (their morning). It was great to see them all in one place at one time. I still missed my Mom.

I’ve been feeling quite down on myself lately. I feel like I am not good enough. At many things. Being a mom, wife, worker, person. It sucks.

I got my Mirena IUD, had a week of nothing and then I started spotting/lightly bleeding, which has now lasted for 2+ weeks. Yay.

For 3-4 weeks leading up to Xmas, I had excruciating back pain. I’ve had back pain off and on since I was 14 and a passenger in a car wreck. This time, however, it was bad, very bad. Many days a paracetamol would only take the edge off. The pain was bad enough I went to the doctor for it. She prescribed me a week’s worth of mega-pain meds and some muscle relaxants (I only took a couple day’s worth). After the week of mega-pain meds my back was fine for a day or two and since then the pain has crept back. I head to the physiotherapist tomorrow morning. If he can’t help, I’ll head back to the doctor in another couple of weeks to see what happens next. I’m tired of back pain.

I need to stop eating so much sweets. And not just for the holidays, but all times.

When I was at the post office before Xmas to mail my cards, there was an addressed post card that didn’t have a stamp. Someone dropped it and didn’t notice. I felt bad that the receiver wouldn’t get their card, so I paid for the postage (,80 cents).
Then the next day, I found 24 euros worth of stamps on the ground. There was a receipt in the bag with them, showing that they had been paid by a debit card. I returned the stamps back to the store in hopes that they would be able to return the money to the card. I’m assuming it happened like that because the store never contacted me to come get the stamps. I would have felt guilty every time I used one of those stamps if I had kept them without trying to return them first.

I love my kids! Even if they drive me bat-shit crazy at times.
Paxlet is so smart, inquisitive and observant about the world around him. He loves his little sister. He tells her “Sä ot mun pikku sisko” (You are my little sister) and it melts my heart every time. Yet, he whines and moans about everything I do or don’t do. (Why is putting one’s clothes on such a difficult task sometimes?)
Tadbit is the cutest and most stuborn drama queen there is. We’re going to be in trouble. For now, it’s just cute when she dramatically pouts when we tell her to not hit the cat, take a smaller bite or not throw things. She’s consistently saying 2 words together and more and more 3-word sentences every day. She also growls. I think she might have gotten some of that from me.

Our house NEEDS to be de-cluttered. I need to just give up on the idea of trying to sell things on FB and donate the stuff. We need it out of our house more than we need the money.

We crafted quite a bit during December. But those were kid-friendly crafts. I finally got my sewing machine out yesterday and did some adult crafting! I made two reusable veggie-fruit bags. I had only been meaning to make these for a couple of months. They are from all recycled material. I can’t wait to try them out next time I go food shopping.

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And that’s some of what has been in my head. How was/is your first Monday of the year?

MicroblogMonday For more microposts, go visit Mel’s post at Stirrup Queens.

Childhood depression

I had a great evening tonight. I met up with my best friend and we went swimming. It has been ages since I have swam and it felt great! I got in one kilometer. After our swim, we went to sauna (in the swimming hall) and then had a tea and snack in the cafe. It filled my being to spend some much needed time with my friend. We even went to the store afterward. She was looking for some on sale clothing items and I needed food. What we ended up getting was about 8 kilos (17,5 lbs) of candy. We are two peas in a pod* candy rats a like and just couldn’t pass candy for 1,95€/kilo. I did managed to control myself and only took 2,5 kilos as my bounty. I’ll try to ration it out and give some away. Who am I kidding?! I’ll most likely eat it all.

On a serious note, my friend told me this evening her daughter has been diagnosed with depression. The daughter is only 7 years old. My heart hurts for the girl and my friend. I know it’s not a death sentence, necessarily, but I’ve seen and heard about her struggles so far and it’s not going to be easy as she gets older. This girl knew who to pick as her mom (and dad) when she came to this world. My friend is a great mother and does anything she can to help her girls.

My friend has been looking for some books to help explain depression to her daughter. She says it is quite difficult to find ones that fit their situation. She explained one book that she has found had a creature that was incredibly “sad” and that after some time, someone gave them a gift or threw them a surprise party and they are happy again. My friend’s daughter is not “sad”, she is angry-depressed. It is a dark black depression. This girl cannot be left alone with her sister, for fear of physical violence that might be done. It has been threatened and even acted on to a degree. Already at this age, and for a few years already, this girl doubts with all her being that she is loved and worth the love she is shown. It’s truly heartbreaking.

This is where I need your help, interweb peeps. Do you know of any books or websites that might be of help for my friend and her daughter? I don’t mean self-help type books that my friend can use to make her daughter better, but rather books that can be used to help the entire family understand what depression is, how it affects the girl and those around her. Especially those that are geared towards young kids.

*That’s just too healthy of a description.

#MicroblogMonday – Xmas glass

I’ve almost got my baking sorted for gifts. This year every cookie/sweet recipe I think of making has chocolate in it.

This year, we’ll be going to my BIL and SIL’s for Xmas. We’ve always gone to my in-laws (for the last 17 years, minus one year in the US), so this is going to be…different. My kids will get to see and meet Santa for the first time. (Paxlet doesn’t believe in him. Thanks Mr Siili.) However, Santa won’t be showing up until 8:15pm. My kids are usually asleep by then. It’s going to be a looong Xmas eve.

Here’s some glass stuff I’ve finished, just in time for the holidays. I have a couple more of these hearts finished, in different colors, and many more waiting to be soldered.

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These Santas/elves and stars I made 5 years ago, but only just got the beads put on them to hang them. I had sort of procrastinated on it, but in the end it was good I did. My current glass “teacher” has this ultraviolet glue thingy that can attach beads to glass and they stay put much better than epoxy and metal clasps.

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These angels are another thing from 5 years ago. I had everything soldered together except the heads and halos.

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MicroblogMonday For more microposts, go visit Mel’s post at Stirrup Queens.

#MicroblogMonday – cats, glass & advent calendar

The cats have come out of hiding a tiny bit. Last night, Mr Siili and I wiggled a toy and white-face played with it. She doesn’t want you to try and touch her, but she will play some. Black-face has let me touch her once or twice, while she is under the bed. Yeah, we don’t have names for them yet, so we are calling them white-face and black-face. Original, huh?

White-face watching me. This is as far as she will come downstairs, that we know of.
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I finished a couple of heart decorations today and added heads to two angels that I started 5 years ago. Pictures to come, someday.

As it is December and the countdown to Xmas is on, it is advent calendar season. I don’t remember them much, if at all, in my childhood, but here they are big. You can buy chocolate filled, toy filled, pictures only and any other fillings you can think of, usually for a price. There is also the endless diy versions too. I don’t want to feed my kids more sugar, nor buy toys for them, so I set out to create my own advent calendar with mostly crafts to do and moments to have with Paxlet and Tadbit. What we have done so far…

A gingerbread igloo and penguins with eggs.
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Snowman cards.
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Joulutorttu (Christmas tortes/pastries)
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Glue colored rice on stars.
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Glitter and glitter-glue on stars.
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Paxlet cut out his stars. I cut Tadbit’s. Then we decorated them.
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Xmasy stickers on stars.
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I gave them a set of bracelets each (,50 cents each 🙂 ).
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There were glowsticks in this. We went for an evening walk with the glowsticks, then they got to take them into their bath to play.
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MicroblogMonday For more microposts, go visit Mel’s post at Stirrup Queens.

#MicroblogMonday – cat adoption

We adopted two girl cats this last weekend. They are 9 months old. The names they came with are Mini and Milli, but they won’t stay that way. Once we get to know them and their personality, we’ll choose something else. If we get to know them. They have been in hiding since they came to us on Saturday afternoon. Tadbit doesn’t even know they exist in our home yet, which is probably for the best as I’m sure she’d want to smother pet them.

So, now we wait.

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#MicroblogMonday – Remembering

Thanksgiving is this Thursday. Some years, it sneaks up on me and others I am very much aware of it. It’s what happens when a holiday isn’t celebrated where you live (and you’ve been away from country for the holiday for most of 17 years). I think this year it has mostly sneaked* up on me. I mean, I knew Thanksgiving was coming, but I didn’t really start feeling it until just the other day and especially last night.

The night before Thanksgiving is when my grandma died. I was 14. I had wanted to stay the night at a friend’s house that night, but my mom wouldn’t let me. But that next morning she said I could go to my friends. I thought it strange, but being 14, I didn’t think about it much further. Until that evening after the Thanksgiving festivities had ended and my mom told us the news. We ended up leaving to my grandparents house the next day.

I remember that I didn’t have my school work with me. We were reading Great Expectations in English class. I remember Perrin (4 years older than me) taking me and my siblings to a truck stop for hot chocolate while we were in my grandparents’ hometown. He had taught me how to play pool that summer. And I had a huge 14 year old girl crush on him. (It would never ever be anything more, because he was a proper Mormon boy.) I remember seeing my grandmother in her open casket. It was her, but it wasn’t. It was also the first (and only?) time I’ve seen a dead person. I remember the dress I wore to the funeral: the same turquoise dress I wore to my 8th grade dance. (My grandmother wouldn’t have wanted me to be sad and wear black my mom told me.) I remember the last conversation I had with my grandma. She was telling me that she might get her ears pierced.

I remember.

 

*Sneaked is a correct past tense form of snuck, I googled it.

MicroblogMonday For more microposts, go visit Mel’s post at Stirrup Queens.