This and that #5

*wiping off the dust* Hello again! As I have previously said, I’m still around, just not nearly as much. Here’s some of my current thoughts that I feel need to be said.

– Today marks what would have been my mom’s 60th birthday. I drew a little something for her, because she always told me that she’d rather we make her something instead of buying something.
– I still worry that I’ll die young like she did and I won’t get to see my kids grow up. I don’t regret, as such, that I didn’t have kids earlier, but it crosses my mind.
– My sister had her baby girl! She was 15 days after her due date (induced and c-section) and over 10 pounds!
– We still have no date of when we’ll head to the US to see family. Ugh.
– Today is March 9th – #OwlBeKind4Thomas day. I made 8 little owls to send out into the world in honor of him.
– It isn’t deathly cold anymore. We had over two weeks of roughly -20C. BRRRR! In addition, today is the first time in ages (this year?) that the temperature should get above freezing. The sun is actually warm again.
– I’ve started running. It’s not a fast run, but it is running. I’d probably be ‘faster’ if I didn’t stop and take so many pictures along the way. But the scenery is just amazing and different each week.
In the fall, ParkRun started here in my hometown. It’s a free weekly 5km run/walk event that is timed and operates solely on volunteers. My town is the first in Finland and the most northern one so far!
– I’ve also started going to BodyCombay again. My old love. ❤ It feels good.
– I’m still working in the same company, but I’m in a different team on rotation. Originally I was only supposed to be here for 3 months, but my rotation contract has been extended until the end of August. This change of working tasks/team/environment has helped my mood and overall feelings. I was starting to think about moving on to a different company. Next month is 10 years that I started here.
– Next month Tadbit will be 3 years old. She’s stubborn, sweet, feisty, independent, talks if she wants to, snuggly, funny and a siren (man oh man can she sound the alarm when she’s unhappy).
– Paxlet is 5,5 years and still my baby boy. He’s challenging, independent, talks A LOT, clever and growing up way too fast. We’ve been having some issues with listening, following directions and the consequences. I hate getting to the point that he won’t respond until I yell. He starts preschool/kindergarten (esiopetus). I’m not ready, but he is. Isn’t that how it always goes?
– Mr Siili and I are still at it. 🙂 We’ve been together almost 20 years. We have our ups and downs, but I hope there are more ups, than downs. Life has definitely been more challenging since having kids.
– This summer marks 19 years of me living in Finland. Wow!

Life happens while we’re doing something. I hope you all are taking time to enjoy  your “somethings”. I know we’re trying to.
Take care and be well. – JustHeather

Two too many for Tuesday

Originally I was going to title this “Two for Tuesday” and have 2 items under each emotion, but I realized that sometimes I just have too many items to go under one emotion. Instead you get my words spewed out in the order of what is popping up in my head.

– I miss my mom something fierce. As I lay in bed last night snuggling with Moose, I got to thinking about my mom, how so much of her stuff and family photos, etc are in the US. So far away from me. But if I bring them here, or even part of them, then my family in the US won’t have them there. I started sobbing. I wish Moose was bigger to snuggle with.

– I’ve spotted a bit off and on since Friday. It frustrates me. I hate endometriosis and I hate the fact that I don’t have any of the “normal” symptoms of it, as maybe it would have been diagnosed earlier. What if, what if…

– I’m physically tired. I should have gotten to bed earlier than I did last night, but I was crying. And then I couldn’t calm down, so I read myself to sleep. I’m most of the way through the 11th book, Cerulean Sins, in the Anita Blake series by Laurel K. Hamilton.

– I’m mentally tired. Three plus years of TTC without a single BFP just sucks! I’m so tired of it all, but still can’t imagine myself or my life not trying to get pregnant. Maybe someday, but definitely not yet.

– I brought tickets for the midnight showing of Breaking Dawn Part1 with 5 friends/coworkers. I’m so freakin’ school girl excited!

– I got a flu shot yesterday and now my arm is sore. I also have another bruise to add to my collection of them. At least I know where this one came from, the one just below my knee, I have no idea where it came from. I probably walked into something. I just don’t do corners well.

– I went to gym yesterday. Lately during BodyBalance, I get all teary-eyed each time I see the pregnant ladies in the class. I also think Adele’s song of Rolling in the Deep doesn’t help. Again, it’s the combo of other pregnant women and memories of my mom. BodCombat was great!

– As I got ready for work this morning, Mr Siili was still peacefully sleeping. His face was just serene and beautiful.

– I have a clinic appointment tomorrow for what I hope is the start of IVF #3. The appointment should have been last week, but I screwed up the time. The nice lady who called me (and saved me a trip there to a closed-for-the-day office) helped me set up a new appointment. I wonder if I was charged for the missed appointment. Oh well. I’m excited and nervous about the appointment, as usual.

– I need to finish cleaning and tidying up our apartment. I’ve asked friends to come over for 11.11.11. It’s the first time in AGES! I’ve had people over. It’s been a good excuse for me to clean, because I’ve been so unmotivated for a long time. Plus it’ll be great to see my friends again.

– There was a most beautiful sunset this evening. Brilliant purple and fire red in the sky. Too bad my phone couldn’t capture it.

– I cried again this evening when going through all the knitted items that my mom made. They still smell like her place.

– Again, it is late and I should be in bed already. But I can’t complain. I have a very good reason for still being awake: Mr Siili changed my mind about watching a show to creating a “show” of our own. LOL. Plus, I needed to write this.

This and That, Putty-tat

Not much to say lately, so I haven’t been saying anything at all, but I figured I’d give a few ‘this and that’ bullets just for something to say.

  • putty-tats are what we call our cats sometimes
  • when not doing an IF treatments, there isn’t too much to say on the baby making front. CD9 this evening, and I caved: BFN. I’ve been having nausea, a bit of queasiness and some gas the last 3-4 days. Not normal for me at all, but I suspect it is from the food we ate.
  • I miss my mom. Still. Always.
  • my summer holiday is over, I’m back at work. It’s ok. It’ll be my last week doing this particular part of my job and I’m a bit sad about it. I know I’ll still work with the same people and do some of the same tasks, but it won’t be the same. I’ve been handling this task for the last 3 years. Onto new and different tasks.
  • 11 more sleeps until I leave for Shanghai on a work trip.
  • Mr Siili’s birthday is coming up next week. I know what I want to get him, but I need to go find it. (Hmm, maybe I should wait until I go to China.)