Parenting follow through or something like that

Before I was a parent, I said I would never take my kid(s) to the store or out in public when they are having a tantrum or in a visibly bad mood, as long as I had a choice about it. (I get it there are some times where you absolutely have to get something from the store or do an errand.) And today, I am proud to say, that I recognized my kid was being horrible and I didn’t drag him to the store. Even if we didn’t have any bread, milk or fresh food in the house.

But let me go back a bit with where this all began. Years ago, my good friend R* and I were talking about kids and tantrums in public. Most likely after seeing a kid doing just that while we were downtown. She explained to me that if she had a choice, that she would rather keep her ill tempered kid at home than to subject herself, her unhappy kid and any bystanders to her child’s bad mood and most likely screaming. R consciously does/did not want to have an outing or trip to the store leave a bad taste in their mouth. Why make a bad situation worse, if you can avoid it all together? If the trip to the store, or perhaps pharmacy, was not a must, she would rather wait until her kid was in a better mood or wait until she could go without the kid later.

We’ve only ever had a couple of small tantrums with Paxlet when we have been out and about. One of them I can remember clearly: he was about a year and a half old, still toddling (wobbly walking) about and we were in a local mall. For some reason, he didn’t want to walk anymore and flopped down on the floor. I scooted him out of the main walking path and let him do his thing. He wasn’t screaming and wasn’t really disturbing anyone. In fact, I got many smiles and he got some laughs. Another time, more recently, he wasn’t listening to me and so I put him in the shopping cart. He started screaming! I kept my cool, talked to him and managed to get him to stop screaming within a couple of minutes (or I would have walked out of the store with him and left the shopping behind, although thankfully this time my MIL was with us). Other times, he has cried or screamed a bit, but it was short lived and he calmed down quite quickly. So maybe they were full blown, down on the ground, kicking and screaming tantrums, but they were his type of tantrums. I would like to take the credit for the lack of tantrums in public, heaven knows we’ve had plenty of them at home, but I think a lot of it has to do with Paxlet being a pretty mellow and easygoing kid.

Back to today… The morning started off quite good. Then as the day progressed, Paxlet started getting a bit restless, not wanting to listen to a thing I said, acting reckless and wild no matter what I said (remember, he wasn’t listening to me). Once Tadbit woke from her nap, we all eventually got ready to go to the store. Paxlet didn’t want to go to the store and was fussing/crying for one reason or another before we even got into the car. He then unzipped his jacket seconds before I put his seat belt on and then started crying that he was cold and wanted his jacket zipped back up after I had started driving. He screamed/cried for several blocks, at which point I said, forget it, we’re going home and turned the corner to head back home. I too started to cry a bit. Paxlet then started crying that he didn’t want to go home, he wanted to go to the store. I tried to tell him why we weren’t going to the store, but it didn’t matter, he continued to cry. He didn’t want to get out of the car or go inside, but did do them even if he screamed and cried the whole way. He finally calmed down when I asked him if he wanted fish sticks and pizza for dinner.

*Her oldest daughter is now 6, 3 years older than Paxlet.


#MicroblogMonday – I survived 8 weeks of summer with both kids at home


I’m a bit torn over my feelings on this post title and the content to come. Yes, I know I wanted not one kid, but two and I have been extremely lucky to have them. However, with Paxlet quickly coming up on 3 years of age, he is a handful! He sometimes fights anything and everything I do or say and then screams or cries when something is done that he doesn’t approve of. Add on top of that the refusal to take a nap, even if it is needed, or even rest for a short bit, unless we are in the car then falling asleep is a given. Having him home these last 8 weeks from daycare has been totally exhausting! So, in that sense, I survived those times when he was screaming, crying and fighting me.

I realize that people who have twins, or more, deal with more than one kid all day from the get go. I also realize that not all moms can or want to have their older kids in daycare while they are at home. For me, I have found it a godsend while I was getting my feet under me after having Tadbit. It helps that Paxlet likes his daycare lady and the kids. Plus they are able to play his extra energy out much better than I am.

During the times he was happy, not screaming and we were working on things in the same direction, summer was great! We did quite many things at home and away from home. I enjoyed the good times. Paxlet is truly a smart, talkative (my ears are hanging on by threads) and sweet little boy that is growing up so fast.

In “honor” of Paxlet heading back to daycare today, Tadbit and I had a restful day at home and I took a nap with her in the morning. Aaahh! Sleep!

MicroblogMonday For more microposts, go visit Mel’s post at Stirrup Queens.

17 weeks, #2

My son made this for me and gave it to me last night. (6.5x5.5cm)

Paxlet made this for me last night.
(2x3in. big)

At 16+3, I am now sure I have felt movements for the first time. Those first movements felt mostly like a queasy stomach, without the yuckiness attached to it. They also lasted for quite some time. I felt more movement again the next day at work during lunch. The second time and all subsequent times I have felt movement, it has felt more like kicks and punches. It might have been wishful thinking, but I think I may have even felt a bit of movement on the outside.

I came home from work the other day to find cat puke at the bottom of the stairs. There was no way I could ignore it and pretend I didn’t see it so Mr Siili would have to clean it up later. However, having to clean cat puke up makes me gag. Like really really gag! Even 10 minutes after it’s all been cleaned, I’m still gagging at the thought. This has never been an issue (usually) before, but the last few weeks, my goodness!

On Tuesday, Paxlet had a tantrum of tantrums in the morning. It started with him wanting Mr Siili downstairs to “look at him”, then it involved a flashlight, his mitten, wanting to walk on his own and so on. Once inside, at daycare, I managed to get him calmed down enough to get his outer clothes off, but in between each item he screamed more. I eventually had to just give him a hug, tell him I love him and leave him in the arms of the daycare lady (K) screaming. That morning episode left an emotional drain on me that lasted the entire day. When my MIL called me later in the day at work, I broke down and had a huge ugly hormonal/emotional cry. I love my MIL. She listened to me and comforted me as I needed. When I picked up Paxlet in the afternoon, K told me that he stopped crying within minutes and had a great day.

I have made the decision that we are not going to the US to visit my family before the year ends. Which means, we won’t be going there before this baby is born. There are not as many flight options as there used to be years ago and the ones that we can get directly to my hometown are over 30 hours of traveling in at least one of the directions. Sorry, but that just ain’t happening! I am sad about this decision, but it was just getting to be to stressful and emotional for me. I dread telling me dad, just because I know how much he wanted us to come visit, not to mention the rest of my family.
I am hoping, however, to do a shorter trip, in duration and travel time, sometime before the end of the year. If nothing else, I will at least be taking some time off, as I still have 2 weeks of summer holiday saved up.

This week my tummy has started to feel heavy. And by the end of the day, I just ache. I think it is time to get out proper support.

A bit of vanity/silliness on my part: I don’t want to be pregnant during the winter! No one will see my bump because of all winter clothes.
On a serious note, all those winter clothes!! I just realized that I need to find some warm outerwear pants if I am going to be able to be outside with Paxlet this winter. The ones I normally wear just aren’t going to cut it for much longer. And, can we talk about ice and slipping? I’m not looking forward to that.

Winter coldness makes me realize that I need more than the few maternity clothes I do have. With Paxlet, I spent my big months in the late spring and summer. I could get away with skirts, shorts and short sleeve shirts. Summer clothes rocked! Being warm in the winter? It requires more clothing. Uh, oh.

My team leader laughed at me today, in a sympathetic she’s had 4 pregnancies sort of way, when I dropped a lid on the floor. Call me butter-fingers! I sighed and grunted as I bent to pick it up. Come on! I’m not even that big yet!!!

This week I actually craved something! I desperately wanted Juusto snacks aka cheesy poofs. (What are these things really called in English?)

In 3 weeks (minus one day) we have our anatomy scan. Holy cow! I/we hope to find out what gender Tadbit is.

I thought we had survived

This week has been a rough week. My little boy was going to start daycare and I was very distraught over it. Paxlet had his first day there and seemed to do quite well. Sure he cried some, but Kay said he played, ate and seemed to have some fun. Day two and three were roughly the same, although each day he cried a bit sooner upon being dropped off and it lasted a bit longer. To ease Paxlet into daycare, we only did a short week (3 days) with short hours (3 hours each day). Next week will also be 3 days, but a bit longer hours. As I picked Paxlet up from daycare on Thursday and was walking home with him, I let out a deep sigh and even a little tear thinking we had survived! We survived the first week and things went decently well.

Well, I’m taking it all back. I feel like the most horrible mom in the world right now and I don’t think we are surviving at all! Paxlet has been having major melt down tantrums out of what seems like nothing. He’s been horrible to get down to sleep for naps and bed time. And he is just all around fussy and not his normal happy-go-lucky self. I know that starting daycare is a huge huge step for any child. Especially when, like Paxlet, the child hasn’t been left with anyone other than their dad a few times. I knew to expect some changes in life at home, routine, sleep and whatever, but this is just ridiculous. I also know that Paxlet is still feeling a bit under the weather from the cold we had last week. Both of us still have a horrible runny/stuffed nose.  But can it really affect him this much?

For example, a couple of times now, giving Paxlet food had caused a major meltdown. I know he’s hungry, but the second I put food in front of him he just screams. A few days ago, I got him in his highchair and gave him a slice of avocado. He started crying. I took the avocado away and he still cried. I tried giving it back to him and he cried harder. As I turned around to get him some banana he ate the avocado and stopped crying. He then proceeded to eat the entire avocado (minus a tiny bit that Rusty the cat got) and almost an entire banana. Today he didn’t want his lunch (vegetable soup he has eaten many times before) until Mr Siili thawed out some strawberries. Then Paxlet would alternate between me giving him soup and Mr Siili giving him strawberries.

Paxlet has also started throwing mini-tantrums (and sometimes bigger) more often when he doesn’t get his way. He will bonelessly slump to the ground (if I’m holding him or trying to get him to stand) and then lean his head against the floor, usually from a sitting position, and cry! Big, fat, crocodile tears until he gets his way. He’s been doing a version of these for a while, but they have all of a sudden gotten more frequent and triggered by the most mundane of things. I feel like I have to walk on egg shells around Paxlet at times.

We’ve also had all out screaming, thrashing around where I can’t hold onto him and crying until Paxlet almost pukes episodes when going to bed or when Paxlet wakes up in the middle of the night (from coughing, although I do give it to him that it probably hurts to cough). Last night we had one of these episodes at midnight as I was heading to bed. Nothing would calm him down. Not even boob!

All of these little differences in Paxlet are getting to me. I just want my little happy boy back. I’m tired of being almost in tears or in tears and feeling like the world’s shittiest mom. I don’t want to feel like he hates me at times. I worry that I’m screwing him up for life. I want to see him laugh more again and giggle easily. And I have a feeling this is only going to get worse before it gets better, if it does at all. I can’t not go to work. I can’t just stay home and keep him out of daycare for a while longer. I have to go back to work on September 2nd and I am dreading it.

Anyone know the winning lotto numbers for the next drawing? No? I could really use some of that money to allow me to stay home longer.