#MicroblogMonday – Birthday, thoughts & shopping

Happy Birthday to my mom. She would have been 57 years old today.

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I went swimming for the first time in ages last week. Let’s just say I want to live in the pool for the next few weeks.

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I went to the chiropractor today. The first time I’ve been there in almost a year. The second time I’ve gone when pregnant, but this time I was much further along, so no way I could lay on my tummy. He was still able to treat my neck and most of my back. My neck feels better, but I don’t think it will stay “better”. My back is feeling pretty good at the moment, however it wasn’t that bad when I went in. I hope swimming tomorrow helps all bits involved.

After the chiropractor, as I was going to get in my car, my mind was miles away in my own thoughts. I banged my forehead into a sign. I had a major headache for at least an hour and now I am left with a “pretty” wound.
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I found a 5€ bill on the ground on my way to the chiropractor. Then I spent way too much time and money at a clothing store and 2 flea markets today. I bought myself some clothes, Paxlet some pajamas, shorts, a book, stickers and some baby clothes. My goodness, I had almost forgotten how cute baby clothes are!

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All in all, it’s been a decent and SUNNY day so far. Time for me to go get Paxlet from daycare. What should we have for dinner?

MicroblogMonday For more microposts, go visit Mel’s post at Stirrup Queens.

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27 weeks, #2

Happy New Year! I thought about writing a year end post, but just couldn’t be bothered. Instead, you get this, a weekly update.

Whether it has been the impending year end or just that time of pregnancy, I’ve been having some shocking realizations on how far along I am in this pregnancy and just how little time I have left until labour and delivery will be here. OMG!

I am in the third trimester now. I know some places calculate it as the 27th week and others the 28th week. I am happy calling this week the start of the 3rd trimester. Two-thirds of the way there.

Assuming Tadbit is born around her EDD, I will have 13 more weeks of pregnancy. Soon will be single digit weeks. Yikes!

It also means I am 7 months along. How the heck did this happen?!

I also realized this last week, that I have less than two months at work! That’s 7,5 weeks of work left. My last working day is February 25th.  Wow!

This is it! The home stretch is nearing. Ack!

I’m in a private April ’05 birth group on FB, which moved from the Baby Centre boards. Being that this group is from the UK site, most everyone is British. And they talk about British things. *grin* I’ve learned some new things and definitely some new words. One of the things I learned about is the TV show One Born Every Minute. (There’s a US version too, I’ve been told.) This has been interesting to watch and a reminder of what was with Paxlet and what is to come with Tadbit. I think I’m now slightly freaked out by going through labor again. Yet, I can’t stop watching the shows (on you.tube). The first time around with Paxlet, I believe it was ignorance is bliss…this time I KNOW what will happen and the pain it brings. LOL. However, I wouldn’t even consider an elective Cesarian.

I can’t sit straight in a chair with my legs together. It just isn’t comfortable and not really possible as my bump is in the way. I noticed this last week, but forgot to write about it.

Even though I am 27 weeks along and in my second uneventful pregnancy, TP checks still happen. Maybe I don’t check as vigilantly or with as much fear/urgency as in the beginning whenever I felt something coming out of my ladybits, but TP checks still happen.

I realized, again, that we don’t have a car seat yet! Last time we were loaned one. This time, I need to decide whether we buy one brand new or if I buy one used; from someone I don’t know and have to trust that they are truthful about the car seat never being in an accident. Finns are as a whole truthful and trustworthy people, but this is my baby’s safety we’re talking about. What would you do?

My face has gotten a bit round. With Paxlet, I’m not sure if I noticed it or not. At least I don’t think I did during pregnancy. Afterward, I would look at my weekly pictures and yowzers! had my face gotten fat and round, compared to what I normally look like. This time around, I have actually noticed it. And I don’t like it. I will never let myself get fat, so long as I have any control over it.

My bump has definitely grown in the last week or so. At least two pairs of pants are snug and not fitting so comfortably as before. The same goes with a couple of maternity shirts. Do I really have to worry about buying more maternity clothes?! I haven’t even found winter pants yet!

Last few days, some part of Tadbit has been situated in the upper right side of my bump, just under my ribs. Sometimes it feels like she is stretching up in the area and when she does, talk about really uncomfortable if I don’t sit up very straight.

I’ve been having so much pressure in my lower pelvic area. I’ve also been having quite a few Braxton Hicks. Especially when standing. They are more common in the afternoon and especially evening, but lately I’ve been having them in the morning too. I will be talking to the midwife about this during the next neuvola appointment next week.

I had a meltdown over pizza this week. Paxlet was in bed and Mr Siili and I were going to watch something. I decided I needed to cook a frozen spinach pizza first. I turned the oven on and waited for it to heat up. After a while Mr Siili went to check on the oven and I had only turned the light on. Cue a bit of moaning. Once the oven did warm up, I put the pizza in. After 12-13 minutes I went to get my pizza and it was very done. Cue some whining. The temperature was a 250C instead of 220C. I was sure I put it at the correct temp, but Mr Siili says he didn’t touch it. As I cut up the pizza, Mr Siili pulls out a plate. I put some slices on the plate and he rearranges them. I ask what he is doing and he says he is moving his pieces so they cool down. Cue anger and tears. I didn’t say I was making pizza for him! And he didn’t say he wanted any, plus he doesn’t like these pizzas, so why is he wanting some now!? I cried and stormed at him for a bit and refused to eat the pizza. He went back to his game, I went back to my computer. After a while of neither of us talking, I eventually got the pizza and ate it huffily. It was over cooked and now cold. It still sort of hit the spot.

After a dash into the store with Paxlet yesterday, I realized that (food) shopping will never be the same again. At least not for a long time. Paxlet is getting to the age that he doesn’t HAVE to be in a cart for us to shop. He listens to me quite well and enjoys helping put things in a pull basket, if we are quick. However, I am getting more clumsy, slow and achy with this pregnancy, so shopping, alone, with Paxlet just isn’t easy. Even in the best of circumstances. Once Tadbit gets here, there won’t be a “just pop into the store” option anymore…..

Fun shopping

Last night while out for a walk collecting fall leaves with Paxlet, I noticed that there was to be a flea market for children’s items at the nearby school today. When Mr Siili got home from work, I informed him I was going, without Paxlet and asked if he had any cash on him. *big grin* This morning, I was off and riding (my bike) there at promptly 10am with 23 euros (20 was from Mr Siili) in my pocket.

In an hour’s time, I was home with 2 euros and 50 cents in my pocket and tons of stuff in tow! I had so much fun! Seriously, flea markets, yard sales, garage sales or whatever you want to call them, is where I have the most fun shopping. I just love the thrill of finding something I need (or not) at a great bargain.

What did I buy for 20,05 euros you ask? Well, I bought:

– a travel stroller for 5 euros

– 3 pairs of pants, 1 body (with Mickey Mouse on it), a knitted dickey and a “helmet” hat for 6 euros

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The blue thing is the knitted dickey and the white is the “helmet” hat. No idea what they should really be called.

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Pants and Mickey outfit.

– 3 cars, which Paxlet just loves, for 2 euros

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The orange car is a McD’s happy meal car form 1995 with Grimace in it.
I didn’t really “need” this one, but Mr Siili and I watched a Psych episode last night that discussed Grimace and so I just had to buy it. lol

– a decently realistic mobile phone that makes sounds for ,50 cents

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Toy phone on the left, my “smart” phone on the right.

– and last, but not least a bike seat for Paxlet to go on bike rides with us (next spring) for 7 euros.

 

And that, is what I call a fun shopping trip!

Here’s Paxlet just after nap today playing with his cars.

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Mr Siili said I should have had the camera ready when I pulled out the police car. Paxlet’s eyes just went wide!

Bra shopping – update

So, I’ve had my new black bra for almost a week now and had the chance to wear it a couple of times. And the verdict is in. I LIKE this bra!! I won’t say I love it, because I just don’t love bras, but I really do like this bra. It is comfortable and I can even forget that it has under-wires. I will definitely be buying the white one as soon as I get discount coupon.

Bra shopping

I know I’ve said it before, but I can’t stand bras. I wish it were a love-hate sort of relationship, but it isn’t. I just hate them! And I desperately needed a new bra.

At the moment I have 4 nursing bras and I wear all of one of them. I actually like this bra, but it is now a year old and one size too big (around). Plus, I don’t need to nurse while at work. I can stand one other of the nursing bras, but I feel like I will fall out if it the second I lean or bend over (with a little one, that’s all I do!). The other two are exactly the same and a waste of money, even after I cut the underwires out of one if them. I also have many regular bras from before pregnancy, but they are either too small, too big or just don’t feel right. (I sound like Goldilocks.) I have no idea why I hold onto these bras that I have no intention of wearing, but something just won’t let me toss them.

So, while Paxlet was (still is, as I am writing this on my phone in the bus) at daycare, I went downtown to find me a bra. I went to the store were I bought the nursing bra I like, even though the sales lady wasn’t very helpful. I wandered around, picking up a couple of bras that looked like something I would like in a size I thought I was. As I stood there in the middle of the bra section turning in circles, probably looking a little lost, a sales lady asked if I needed help. I jumped on it and said “yes!”. I told her that I needed a bra (duh). I also told her that I would prefer a underwire-less bra and that I thought I was a 75 (34, in US) D or E. She quickly looked at the bras I had grabbed so far, grabbed another one or two and had me start trying them on. This lady was great! She actually helped me and listened to me when I said I did or didn’t like something about a bra. In the end, there were two bra styles from the brand Triumph that I liked and that fit me well and a 3rd from the brand Fantasie that was pretty decent too. I chose one black bra and one white bra from Triumph that I liked the most and headed off to the cashier. In the end I only purchased the black bra, with the thought of waiting until I get a discount coupon and then heading back to buy the second bra. These ladies cost almost 50 euros each!!

So, I am now heading home with my brand new bra (75/34 F) in a little plastic bag and I can’t wait to try it on. I’m always excited when I find a new bra that I think fits and can’t wait until I’ve washed it and can wear it with the hopes of finally loving a new bra. I hope this one doesn’t disappoint me.

Oh, and Mr Siili wants a fashion show when he gets home.

3 posts in 1

My thoughts are of 3 different subjects today, yet they all are slighty connected, but I don’t feel like writing them separately, so here it goes:

The best shopping spree
A second-hand store in town had a 1€ for any item of clothing sale today (Mon=4€, Tue & Wed=3€, Thurs & Fri=2€ and Sat=1€). They do this 2-3 times a year and normally I just stay away. I just hate the crowds, I hate waiting in long lines to try on clothes, I hate trying on clothes, I hate finding stuff I like AND hoping it is in my size. I just don’t generally like clothes shopping. But today was different! I spent 12€ on 12 pieces of clothing today. Yes, that’s right, 12€ total on 12 pieces of clothing, as a little birthday gift to myself.

The difference with today was that I wasn’t there with the intention to buy clothes for me to wear, but to find some fabric to sew some stuff. I was looking at clothes as if it was just material. I grabbed a pair of yellow-green and black plaid pants (I had spied them a few days earlier and hoped they’d still be there), a couple of green shirts in different shades, a pair of red/orange/off-white hibiscus covered pillow cases, some orange shirts, a blue flowery shirt, a brown pair of pants and a grey/black/white skirt all with the intention of upcycling or recycling them into something else. I didn’t have to think of what size the clothes were or how they fit me (although I did find 2 shirts for actual wearing), I just had to like the colors and material. It was the bestest shopping spree that I have gone on in ages. And the funny part, some of the clothes I bought actually fit me and look good on me! Especially the brown slacks. Go figure!

You just don’t get it! or Why can’t you just understand?!
I had what I consider a pretty big break down this evening. Mr Siili and I were laying in bed chatting. It got onto the subject of acupuncture and IVF. He doesn’t believe that acupuncture will help with my endo nor help me get pregnant. If I like the acupuncture, as one would like a massage, then he doesn’t see why I couldn’t continue to go a couple of more times (but not 8 more times), but if I am going into the appointments with the idea that it is going to “cure” or even help fix me, I might as well not go because there are no known scientific medical studies showing that it actually does anything. This got me quite upset and sent me off on a tirade about how all of this IF stuff consumes my unconscious and conscious mind whether I want it to or not. I once again explained, between crying sobs, that I feel the need to try something more, that I am getting to the end of what I can try. (No, I will not buy some magical rocks to put around our bed to help me connect with ley-lines or a copper bracelet that does whatever, etc as Mr Siili facetiously suggested.) I see other pregnant women and it makes me sad. I hear of a friend/co-worker/acquaintance is pregnant or just had their kid and I’m again sad (don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for them, but extremely sad for myself). I’m now 35 (stupid birthday, although I’ve never really had issues with my age before and all of this 35-stuff isn’t really about my age but rather the whole “harder to get pregnant and higher risk” stuff) and getting pregnant is supposed to be harder, what the fuck has it been up to now? A walk in the park? Sure, I got pregnant once 13 years ago when I didn’t want to and now that I want to get pregnant, I can’t! I also didn’t have endo then. I’m tired of the stupid people telling me to relax or trust in god or that it will happen when it is meant to be. I relaxed the entire first year, I don’t believe in god and I hate hearing “meant to be”. I just want to be fucking pregnant now! All of these thoughts and more plague me constantly. I can’t lock myself in my bedroom to get away from it all because even in there I’d be reminded of pregnancy or my mind would wander to babies, etc. There is no escape from it.

We’ve tried a year and a half on our own, I’ve had laparoscopic surgery for endo, we’ve done several IUIs, 2 IVFs, 1 FET and not a single pregnancy. Not even a BFP which results in a loss, which sad to say, I’d dearly love even one of those right now. We have 1 more IVF try via the (less expensive) public clinic and then we’d need to transfer to a private clinic if we want to continue trying. Are we even going to continue if we have to go the slightly more expensive* route? I feel like we are getting to the end of what can be done to get me pregnant. Yet, if we stop now and don’t try anything else, it is almost a 100% guarantee that I won’t ever get pregnant and I cannot accept that yet. I am not ready to throw in the towel and give up. I am not at a stage where I can carry on with my life in a self-accepting and happy way. I NEED to get pregnant and have a kid. I can only hope this crying and ranting episode helped Mr Siili to maybe, even just a little bit, understand what it is that goes through my mind and what I’ve feeling.

*I feel a bit guilty talking about ‘expensive’ because I know it is relative and I am so totally thankful that I don’t live in the USA where IVF is insanely expensive and to which I feel that if we did live in the US, we wouldn’t be doing most of what we have, although Mr Siili seems to think otherwise.

My mom would have remembered
My birthday was a few days ago. On the day of my birthday, I had aprox. 70 happy birthday messages on Facebook, several more via sms, 1 package in the mail (a few cards beforehand), a sweet card from Mr Siili and promises for the actual gift later. Of all of those well wishes for my birthday, not a single one came from my immediate family members. Two days later, I call them via Skype and still not a single person mentions my birthday. I know I could have and probably should have mentioned my birthday myself, but that just feel so wrong. So, here I sit totally upset and crying that no one in my family remembered my birthday, or at least to tell me they remembered it. And I know that if my mom was alive, she would have remembered it. She always did!

Yikes, this turned out to be much longer than I had intended.

Not everything was bad during our trip

Today has definitely been a much better day than yesterday.

Our recent trip to the US for my mom’s memorial wasn’t all bad. We did have some laughs and I did get to do a very tiny bit of shopping. We got to eat crab! Plus my DH packed our suitcases so well, I didn’t have to leave much stuff behind (for a future trip).

The bit of shopping I did was for folic acid (much cheaper), an almost 3lb mix bag of Reese’s pieces, cups, sticks & fast breaks, Tom’s of Maine Wintermint toothpaste, some chapstick (Vanilla Lip Smacker) and Smarties (US kind, not Canadian kind). As I said, I only did an itty bit of shopping, but it was enough. DH did buy himself some books to bring back.

Another important part of visiting my family is food. Almost every (every?) trip we go out in the bay or ocean with my dad to get clams, crab and/or fish. This time there was only crab and muscle (clams) runs. My dad took people out two times for crab while we were there! (I’m sort of kicking myself at the moment, because I probably should have gone with him at least one of the times. Such is life.)  In addition, I have to eat at Taco Bell at least once when I’m in the US. Bean burritos just bring back great memories and I really do love them. But what I love even more is the Taco Bell sauce packets (mild is my favorite). I’m very lucky that my family is so supportive of my Taco Bell Sauce addiction. Whenever they go to TB, they take extra packets and save them for me. We were able to bring back another TB bag full of them with us!

In addition to those few things I bought, I wanted to bring back many of my mom’s knitted items (hats, scarves, socks, bags, baby booties, etc), yarn, some of her knitting books (14 in total) and just books (about the same amount) in general along with some other miscellaneous stuffs. And because my DH loves me so much, we went and bought one more (used) suitcase to carry more stuff back with us. We came back home with 3 suitcases jam packed with stuff. Our total weight was almost 150 pounds of stuff! I know how much my DH hates packing our suitcases at the end of a stay, only because I find so much stuff to drag home with us. But I love him dearly for it each and every time. Although, I do like to think I’ve gotten a bit better about it over the years.

So while our trip was a difficult one, it wasn’t all bad. I was able to stock up on some of my dear US products. *big grin* I also got to spend time with family.