This and that #5

*wiping off the dust* Hello again! As I have previously said, I’m still around, just not nearly as much. Here’s some of my current thoughts that I feel need to be said.

– Today marks what would have been my mom’s 60th birthday. I drew a little something for her, because she always told me that she’d rather we make her something instead of buying something.
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– I still worry that I’ll die young like she did and I won’t get to see my kids grow up. I don’t regret, as such, that I didn’t have kids earlier, but it crosses my mind.
– My sister had her baby girl! She was 15 days after her due date (induced and c-section) and over 10 pounds!
– We still have no date of when we’ll head to the US to see family. Ugh.
– Today is March 9th – #OwlBeKind4Thomas day. I made 8 little owls to send out into the world in honor of him.
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– It isn’t deathly cold anymore. We had over two weeks of roughly -20C. BRRRR! In addition, today is the first time in ages (this year?) that the temperature should get above freezing. The sun is actually warm again.
– I’ve started running. It’s not a fast run, but it is running. I’d probably be ‘faster’ if I didn’t stop and take so many pictures along the way. But the scenery is just amazing and different each week.
In the fall, ParkRun started here in my hometown. It’s a free weekly 5km run/walk event that is timed and operates solely on volunteers. My town is the first in Finland and the most northern one so far!
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– I’ve also started going to BodyCombay again. My old love. ❤ It feels good.
– I’m still working in the same company, but I’m in a different team on rotation. Originally I was only supposed to be here for 3 months, but my rotation contract has been extended until the end of August. This change of working tasks/team/environment has helped my mood and overall feelings. I was starting to think about moving on to a different company. Next month is 10 years that I started here.
– Next month Tadbit will be 3 years old. She’s stubborn, sweet, feisty, independent, talks if she wants to, snuggly, funny and a siren (man oh man can she sound the alarm when she’s unhappy).
– Paxlet is 5,5 years and still my baby boy. He’s challenging, independent, talks A LOT, clever and growing up way too fast. We’ve been having some issues with listening, following directions and the consequences. I hate getting to the point that he won’t respond until I yell. He starts preschool/kindergarten (esiopetus). I’m not ready, but he is. Isn’t that how it always goes?
– Mr Siili and I are still at it. 🙂 We’ve been together almost 20 years. We have our ups and downs, but I hope there are more ups, than downs. Life has definitely been more challenging since having kids.
– This summer marks 19 years of me living in Finland. Wow!

Life happens while we’re doing something. I hope you all are taking time to enjoy  your “somethings”. I know we’re trying to.
Take care and be well. – JustHeather

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Confession time

Earlier this week, I wore a pair of my maternity pants. From when I was pregnant with Paxlet. I’m a bit ashamed to admit this, but wear them I did. And they were so comfortable!

I wanted needed a pair of comfy black pants for the day and that is what jumped into my hands*. They are cotton-stretchy and so they fit quite well. Only the very top part that goes over the bump was a bit loose, but these pants stayed up very well. Now I’m wondering if I could and should wear them again…

 

*I swear, they found me, not the other way around!

An update…on me

So, I haven’t posted much lately. I have lots of thoughts and ideas for stuff I would like to post (random silliness mostly), but I just haven’t felt a pressing need to get on the computer and write. I’ve baked quite a few things (French Rhubarb-Berry Pie, Spinach Dijon Quiche, Pancake Squares, Boysenberry Coffeecake, Impossible Rhubarb Pie, Rhubarb Kisseli), maybe I’ll post about them someday. I would like to write something, but I’m just feeling bleh when it comes to that. This is my attempt to get out of the bleh-ness.

– I emailed my family a couple of weeks ago that I will not be attending my youngest brother’s wedding. The family drama just doesn’t seem to be going away and I couldn’t handle it any more. My family (whether it really is my entire family or just my stepmom, who is the loudest of them all, feel this way or not, I’ll probably never truly know) is stuck on getting to know me again, without Mr Siili. Mr Siili is upset that he is being forced to be away from his son if Paxlet and I go alone. Enough is enough, I’m screwed no matter what.
Update: I’ve not heard much from my family since I’ve told them I’m not coming this summer…It hurts, but at the same time I didn’t expect anything different.

– In tears after the last Skype call with my family, I asked Mr Siili if we could go on a mini-holiday on our own, with our family of 3. I don’t want anything huge or long, just something. He said that sounds nice (although my family will probably take offense to it). I’m not getting my hopes up on this either, but it sure would be nice.

– A bit over 9 months postpartum and I am back to my general pre-pregnancy body weight and shape. Except, now that Paxlet doesn’t breast feed as much and I haven’t really cut back or given up on sweets or junk food, I’ve probably gained a couple of kilos back. Ugh! I just can’t help myself when it comes to munching and craving sweets.

– This last weekend we were at our niece’s birthday party. A guy/family we haven’t seen in 2 years or so asked who was the kid Mr Siili was holding: ours or someone else’s. When we replied it was ours, he then looked at me and down to my tummy and said: with another on the way? I was gobsmacked and offended. Who the heck says stuff like that?! I’m not totally surprised at this guy, I’ve always thought of him as white trash. (Yes, I know, very offensive, but..ugh! they so are!) And he’s one to be talking…neither he nor his wife are “skinny”. It didn’t help that Mr Siili had just commented that morning on my tummy. See above point, I know I’ve gained a couple of kilos back and it all shows in my tummy! Ugh!

– AF is back. I’ve now had two cycles with her. I still don’t like her.

– Still not much of a sex drive, but I think it might be coming back a bit now that I’m breastfeeding less and AF (meaning hormones) are cycling again. I do hope it will come back… it sucks to not physically want to be sexy with Mr Siili.

– Just over two months before I head back to work and I still don’t want to. Add in a bunch of changes at work, my big boss telling me to stay home for as long as I can with Paxlet (she knows my IF history) and I really don’t want to go back to work. On the other hand, I am so incredibly thankful to have (had) this opportunity to be home for an entire year with my little boy.

Life just keeps going on and on each day. I marvel at what my little guy learns and does each day. Life is not perfect, neither am I, but I am trying my best to be a great mom, a better wife and friend to all.

The things you can learn in under 20 minutes

We were out and about when Paxlet was ready for his snack. I saw a bench that was being vacated by two drunks and pondered whether I could safely* feed Paxlet his afternoon snack. I decided the bench was good, as I could sit in the sun and Paxlet could be sheltered by his stroller, but still enjoy the warmth. We hadn’t been sitting there more than a couple of minutes when we were joined by a(n obvious professional drunk) lady. Almost from the instant she sat down, she started talking to us. Her first words were asking if Paxlet is a boy or girl. Then she asked his age and uttered some other things about his age I don’t remember. She then told me/us that she doesn’t have any kids of her own. (I have to admit, I did briefly wonder if she suffered from infertility too.) As she seemed harmless enough, wasn’t smoking and didn’t stink (I know that’s rude, but it’s also true), I decided we could continue to stay where we were for the moment.

In those 15 or so minutes that Paxlet and I sat there, I learned more than I needed to know about this lady. Her name is Pamela P-something-niemi and she is 62 years old. She has a man (boyfriend or husband, I don’t know as the way she said it in Finnish wasn’t clear) and she likes the Finnish pop singer Paula Koivuniemi. She is a self-admitted drunk and a schizophrenic. When she was younger, she lived in Sweden and her good friend at that time met an American guy, followed him back to the states, got married and had two kids. She wasn’t adventurous enough to move farther away from home (Finland) and moved back here when her dad died in the 80s. Her dad fought in the Finnish-Russian war. She’s from the country side (hicks, you might call them) and as many people say, country bumpkins are slow and dimwitted. (To which I replied, “people are just different” as I didn’t want to judge and name call. She loved my words and repeated it a few times and told me how kind I am.) Pamela is one of 5 siblings: 3 boys, two girls. All of her siblings have kids and I don’t remember which ones had which gender of kids. She’s the only one like this (a drunk/schizo) in her family. Her cousin died last fall, of what I don’t remember. She was a nurse, but can’t practice anymore because of her rheumatism, drinking and schizophrenia.

I am sure there are more tidbits I learned about her life in that short time. Thinking back on it, she was probably just lonely or drunk. Or both. If you’re ever in my neck of the woods and need something to do, I know a nice little place where you can learn more than you ever wanted to know about complete strangers in less than 20 minutes.

*I’ve never had any issues or felt threatened by the drunks in this area of town. I just mean ‘safely’ as in would they leave us alone or would we have visitors while sitting there.

Weekend snippets

This was originally supposed to be Saturday Snippets and then Sunday Snippets, but I figured I’d cover the entire weekend instead. That’s what happens when you’re lazy on your last 2 days of holiday.

* I am so glad I had this last week off from work. I really needed the time to recharge my battery and recover from the horrendous flu from the week before.

* I’m still coughing (up junk), but it is much better. I know this cough is going to linger for quite some time, it’s one of those coughs.

* On Saturday, Mr Siili and I drove to the store (instead of walking) to get food. It would have been good to get out and stretch my legs, but we bought 3 bottles of soda and it was easier to transport them home that way. Plus, it was the only way to get Mr Siili to go with me. 🙂

* On Saturday I tried 2 new recipes: kanakookoskeitto (chicken coconut milk soup) and Great Harvest Whole Wheat Bread Copycat which I found on Eat Cake for Dinner. The soup was ok, but I don’t think I’ll be making it again. At least not any time soon. The bread, on the other hand, was yummy and Mr Siili devoured the last few slices this evening. I didn’t quite follow the recipe (I read the flour type wrong), but it turned out amazing anyway. For some reason I kept thinking the flour was supposed to be graham instead of whole wheat. Don’t ask where I came up with graham, as it is no where on the blog post or recipe!

I put our initials on the bread. Cute, eh?

* I also made a Muzzy’s Cheesecake. This recipe is from the coffeehouse I worked at for several years when I was younger. The coffeehouse was one of my first real jobs and I still have fond memories of the place. Plus, I have many of the amazing recipes that we used there. I had thought of possibly freezing part of it so we’d have some for later, but more than half of it has already been eating today alone.

I forgot to take a picture of it before cutting into it.

* The flute girl monkey girl downstairs decided to be noisy, again, this weekend. She and whoever else was with her decided to sing karaoke or at least play loud music and talk yell most of Saturday. Thankfully they went out before it got too late and didn’t make noise all night. Unfortunately, they were back at it early this morning. I did go down and talk to her, which resulted in them being quite for maybe 5 minutes. Ugh! We so can’t wait to move!

* To try and drown out some of the noise, Mr Siili and I had a TV show marathon this weekend. We watched some Big Bang Theory, New Girl, Nikita, Dexter, Broke Girls, Once Upon a Time and possibly something else. We didn’t watch too many Dexter episodes, at least night right before bed, as the last few times I’ve had strange dreams/nightmares from that show.

What would you do if you had a cute cat on your lap?

* Mr Siili has told me several times that if I continue to go pee so often, my bladder will shrink and I’ll ‘train’ my bladder to get used to going pee all the time. I tried telling him I’m not peeing all the time because I want to, but because I need to. (Especially with this cough still!) I can feel my eyeballs floating when my bladder gets relatively full and it makes me feel a bit ill and uncomfortable. Silly guy!

* And now it’s time for bed. I’ve hardly thought about work this last two weeks, but it’s now time to get back into the grind. I can’t wait to see (sarcasm here) what sort of mess has been left behind for me.

Thursday thoughts

It’s snowing! Again! I’m totally loving it (still). The two pictures I took with my camera phone don’t do the actual view justice. The picture on the right looks bleak and dreary, plus you can’t see the snow falling. The picture on the right looks a bit more cheery and you can just barely see the snow falling.

Today is Thursday the 12th (not that it means anything) and tomorrow is Friday the 13th!! I love Friday the 13th’s. They always seem to be awesome days for me. It is Saturday the 14th that just sucks. LOL

Tomorrow also looks to be an insanely busy day at work. Four out of 9 people in our team will be off for one reason or another. Some of the girls are freaking and already stressing. I’m not. I’ll do what I can do and that’s that. Plus, it’ll only be one day that is this crazy.

I took my very last progesterone suppository this morning. WooHOOO!!!!!

We didn’t actually sign the loan papers yesterday, but rather just got them in order for the loan-lady to take them one more time to her boss and get everything finalized and approved one last time. We’ll do the actual signing in a week and a half.

I really need to go shopping today to look for socks for the sock exchange I am doing at Searching for our silver lining.

I must have gotten an ok amount sleep last night because it is 6pm and I’m still feeling like I can function. It is also time to leave work and tentatively head to the store to look for socks and go food shopping.

I hope your Thursday is a thoughtful one.

Random stuffs

Tuesday already, or is it again? Below is some random stuffs going through my tired head today.

-Mr Siili has an interview this morning. We’re riding the bus together downtown, that’s rare. But he won’t talk to me much because he’s not a morning person, more than I am not a morning person (I fake it quite well).

-Last night when I got home, Mr Siili told me his pants and shirt for said interview needed to be ironed. I replied that he’d better help me get it done before midnight because I hate ironing, esp last minute, at midnight. Guess when we I ironed his clothes, after he told me they didn’t really need to be done! What kind of wife would I be to not get his clothes ironed?! Ugh.  (He read this over my shoulder as I typed it. “I’m such a martyr.” Hahaha)
 
Later today:
-I’m totally freaking exhausted. I just about fell asleep while reading my book (Pride & Predjudice) on my phone at lunch. I also can’t think straight.
 
-I’m also feeling a bit queasy off and on. Right now (15:45) is the worst it has been.
 
-I debated for some time whether or not I would join this month’s  ICLW. In the end, I decided to sign up.
 
-Xmas shopping, making and wraping has been done since the weekend. (Really, I only had 1/2 of a gift to buy and 1 minute of the other half of the gift to sew.) I really should try to get the baking prep done soon. I’m going to make chocolate chip cookie dough and freeze it so it is easy to bake once we are at the in-laws. The coconut macaroons can wait until Thursday night to mix up and then bake at the in-laws. This year’s new cookie recipe will be Chocolate Crinkles. (I reserve the right to change my mood.) I’ve seen them at a few different places and they look yummy.
 
-I’m very thankful Mr Siili went food shopping (we’re going to have turkey tacos) so I don’t have to deal with it today.
 
-I think I’m going to leave work early and go take a nap at home.