This coming Saturday will be one year since we got the keys to our new place. It’s a bit crazy how different things are this year. Last year we lived in an apartment on the 8th floor, now we live in a duplex/townhouse (paritalo) with two floors. Last year I was pregnant and this year we have a little guy who is almost 9 months old. Last year I couldn’t breath (it was very very bad) at this time of the year because of the highest birch pollen count in 30 years, general pregnancy stuffiness and dust from moving plus the fact that I couldn’t take the good stuff and this year it hasn’t been too bad (yet), although the birch hasn’t bloomed yet. Last year we had tons of boxes and nothing put away and this year we still have a few boxes, but the house is livable and feels like home.
AF has fully arrived for the first time since Paxlet was born. I had some light spotting when he was 12 weeks, but that’s all. Two weeks ago I felt what I was pretty sure were some O-twinges and now it has been confirmed. This coincides with Paxlet starting to sleep mostly through the night and not eating at night. Now he gets boob as he falls asleep, when he wakes up (or as he tries to wake up and I hope that by giving him boob he’ll sleep just a bit longer) and then as he wants during the day. But during the day, he doesn’t always want to the boob and some days he does. I offer and let him decide. So, now that AF is back, I am potentially fertile again. But there is no way we’ll even have a chance of getting miraculously pregnant if we don’t have sex (regularly). Besides, I’m not sure I am ready for a second one just yet and Mr Siili probably isn’t either, although we both know we aren’t getting any younger.
Related to the previous item, I really need to stop eating junk food and sweets (so much). Now that Paxlet isn’t drinking boob as much, I’m not loosing more weight. I basically stopped losing weight once I reached my pre-pregnancy weight, which is totally fine. But in the last week or so, I’ve noticed I’ve gone up a kilo or two. That could also be related to PMS and bloat. Ugh.
Sometimes, family feels like more pain, trouble and drama than they are worth*. The drama of last week continued on Monday, plus some. I emailed my stepmom and my brother’s bride to be asking if they had mailed the wedding invitations yet and and if they had been sent, when should we be concerned that ours hasn’t arrived yet. This caused my stepmom to Skype me and told me that we had not been sent an invitation because they were worried that if one was sent to our family that Mr Siili would come and they don’t want him at the wedding. I was/am horribly offended. Plus, my stepmom told me some other things my family feels about my husband (nothing very nice), yet they are too chicken shit to tell me. Or as my sister put it (in my stepmom’s words) she’s not women enough to tell me herself. One thing my stepmom did point out is that during that conversation and in previous times, she has only been the messenger, yet I have taken it out on her as if these were her words alone. True, looking back at things and even today, it is hard not to feel that she is the only one saying these things. She just happens to have the loudest mouth and the one who will say it. For me, it makes it all the more painful to hear from my stepmom the things my sister thinks about my husband and our relationship, yet she won’t say it to me. And that she said she had a great time while she was here visiting, talks as if she’d love for us (my family of 3) to come visit when in reality it’s not true. She told my stepmom that Mr Siili is never welcome to stay at her home again. W!T!F!!!! Also, my stepmom told me that I have changed since moving to Finland 13+ years ago (true) and that they don’t know me anymore. They don’t know the adult me, the married me and the mom me, which I guess I can understand. And based on some anecdotal history of my stepmom’s own life and relationship with my grandparents (my dad’s parents), she said that if I were to come there to visit (with Paxlet only) they would get to know me (and Paxlet) and via me they would get to learn to know Mr Siili and maybe in the future (because the future is long and unforeseeable) he might be welcome again as they would now know him better. W.T.F? Mr Siili says they have already made up their mind about him and are now just trying to justify what they feel and say to me. I am so offended in so many different ways it’s not funny. Family?! What family?! In short, I told my stepmom and dad that I won’t be coming to the wedding or to visit in the near future. And that just freaking breaks my heart!
On a lighter note, Paxlet and I are going to visit the in-laws tomorrow. MIL had surgery today and will be on strict bed rest for 5 weeks! So, we’ll go there for a few days now and maybe again before the 5 weeks is up to keep her company, do some cooking (I’ve already got some vegetarian dishes in mind) and just have a change of pace.
On an even lighter note, Midsummer is only a month away!! Ack! The days are getting longer! In fact, the sun is now above the horizon for 18 hours a day and it doesn’t get fully dark at night. Plus, it has been beautifully warm this last week. I know ~70F (In the low 20s C) isn’t all that hot, but it is gorgeous and lovely here! I’ve been in skirts and short sleeve shirts and not feeling cold. Summer, please stick around!
*I know that you are only getting my side of the story, but that’s all I have to offer. I know I haven’t been perfect nor spotless in this family drama, but it seems this time it was just brought up again so my stepmom could have some excitement and someone to blame.