As I lay on top of my bed, the clock reads 21:18 and Tadbit is still screaming, for almost an hour already. I’ve been (mostly) laying on this bed with her since 19:24. Bedtime started out as normal, but something has obviously gone wrong. Was it Mr Siili coming into the room for a bit while I sat with Paxlet? (Not a common occurance.) She has had both boobs, yet keeps pulling at my shirt. We’ve gone downstairs for more porridge and an impromptu game of signing “more” water to drink out of a normal drinking cup. Was it some gas that she has now passed? Have we had too much excitement these last few days?
I have no idea what the matter is, but I too have cried this evening. I would love to call my mom up right now and ask what she did when me or my siblings wouldn’t go to bed. But I can’t. Tomorrow will have been five years since I could call her. I wasn’t even pregnant yet then.
It’s now 21:45. Tadbit isn’t screaming, but she isn’t sleeping either.
She’s happily and quietly putting clothes in and taking them out of plastic freezer bags. And I still miss my mom.
The clock now reads 22:17. I’ve let Tadbit play for almost 40 minutes more. I change her diaper, lay her down and she starts to scream again. I lay down next to her, trying to explain to her that it is bedtime. I need her to sleep so I can sleep too. As I start crying again, she holds my arm and falls asleep.