The “me” on the inside

For the most part, I’ve always dressed pretty normal and nothing that outlandish. During my last two years of high school*, where I finally felt like I fit in, I dressed “hippy chick”-ish and also grunge-ish. Both styles in the same week, most likely. I got my nose pierced when I was 16 almost 17 (1993) and dyed my hair with Kool-aid a few times and even used Forest Green Manic Panic once. But for the most part, the outside me looked pretty normal.

My friends at the time dressed much more out there than me. They wore their… genre? style? personality? …much more out there for all to see. Some of my friends were skaters, punks, gutter punks (think train-hopping stinky and dirty *grin* it was true!), grunge and then there was my BFF who was very hippy chick (patchouli anyone?). All the same, but individual in our own way. We were “The Corner People“. The only other person who had their nose pierced at the time was a guy. He pierced his septum (you know, like where bull’s have the ring?) himself! This guy also stapled his pants to his legs because…I don’t remember why. And he had an amazing mo-hawk! Until he chopped it off one day, but that’s another story. This guy was very…punk.

But me, even to this day, I’m not sure how I fit in the group. Or how or why they accepted me. (But I am thankful they did!)

The inside me…that’s a whole different me. The inside me loves gothic, punk, piercings, tattoos, grunge, skater and more. I see people dressed in any of those different styles while out and about and I just want to smile at them**, admire their clothes/hair/whatever. But because I look so “normal” I am worried they’ll think I’m…a fake? a wanna be? I just don’t know how to wear those styles on a regular basis and pull it off. I also feel that the lifestyle I have chosen just doesn’t fit any of those. I’m still a pretty normal looking girl. Well, except now that I have green hair!

I have green hair! Somehow, this green hair on the outside of me has made me feel a bit more like the inside me. I can now be seen walking down the street (pushing a stroller) with my green hair. I sort of feel like I have a bit of street cred now.

My gosh this all sounds silly now that I’ve written it all down. Basically, the outer me feels a bit more like the inner me these days.

*We moved across town to the other nearby town, thus my switching high schools.

**I’ve lived in Finland too long. If you smile at or talk to anyone on the street/bus, you are either a) drunk or b) foreigner. Ok, maybe not really…but well, yeah it still does hold some truth. LOL

3 thoughts on “The “me” on the inside

  1. I get where you’re going with this. As silly as it may sound, projecting ourselves via our appearance is completely normal as it is a form of self expression. When our appearance doesn’t match how we’re feeling on the inside, we don’t feel as comfortable in our own skin.

    I love your green hair, not because it’s green (though that’s pretty awesome) but because it does fit you. I could see it from your photos.

  2. Awesome – I could have written this apart from the nosering (navel for me) and green hair (Directions pillar box red). Our high school was pretty rough and anyone a bit different got lots of shit, so I learnt to fly under the radar and blend in – 16+ was total awakeneing. I’ve never been massively into specific clothes as such and really liked skatepunk fashion for a while (before the girls were all cutesy tiny dresses etc), still do but no tiny t’shirts with this belly now! I dress pretty normalish, not a glamorous person AT ALL!!
    Just last week I got Mr Stinky to undercut the sides of my hair with clippers – wouldn’t have dared for the longest time, but I think the older I get, the more “fuck it” attitude I get. Its nice when the inside matches the outside. I love that you shared this post as it made me reflect on something that seems quite huge when you’re just growing up, but really doesn’t actually matter that much (but does, if you know what I mean) when you get a bit older!

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