Thoughts on round two

I’m 38 years old today*. In many ways, it’s just another day in the life of me. In other ways, it’s me getting another year older. I don’t feel any different than I did yesterday. Birthdays just are.

This birthday has been a good one. We, the three of us, went downtown for a late breakfast and bought some yummy desserts to bring home and eat. My goodness, were they yummy! Mr Siili and Paxlet made me a cute card with their hand prints drawn on it, some stickers stuck to it and Mr Siili colored it in.

——

So many thoughts about being pregnant again. Some happy, some scared, but many scattered and confused.

I was going to call my clinic, where all of our previous treatments were done at and where we have 1 frozen embryo, as soon as they opened after summer holidays  (all of July). However, as AF was supposed to arrive on the 24th of July, I would have had to wait until the end of August. That is now a moot point. If this pregnancy sticks around, we won’t be using or needing that one little embryo.

I truly never thought I would get pregnant on my own, without lots of drugs and a doctor’s help. Yet, here I am. Why me? How did I/we get so lucky? Mind you, I’m not complaining, but this is what runs through my head. We’re excited, yet a bit scared.  Not about the pregnancy itself, but about bringing a new dimension into our happy family of three. As Mr Siili said to me, “we’re just getting used to this life with Paxlet”. How different is it going to be with another? Also, Paxlet has been so easy as a baby** and now a toddler. This second child could have colic, reflux, not want to sleep or a myriad other things. I know I dreamed about a sibling for Paxlet, but now that this is possibly happening, I’m a bit unsure and as I said, scared. Things will work themselves out, it will just take a bit of time.

Getting to experience pregnancy all over again is like  a dream come true!I truly enjoyed my pregnancy with Paxlet. I had very little morning sickness (mild nausea sometimes), I only spotted once around 7-8 weeks and my back didn’t kill me like I feared it would. Although, I do hope some things will be more relaxed as I know more of what to expect this time around. So far, I’m still checking for spotting each time i go to bathroom. Or maybe even more often. Some things die hard. I also can’t wait to do weekly pictures. I want to compare the differences in these pregnancies.

Twins? Oh no! Please no! I know the first time around I thought it would be sort of cool, but this time, no way. I know how much effort one baby takes, I don’t “need” two this time around. Looking a gift horse in the mouth much?

Again, gift horse. I’m sort of hoping for another boy. I know how boys are built now and I know what to do. But girls? They would have girlie parts! LOL. On a serious note, as always, I really just want that this baby sticks around and will be born healthy and happy.

I’m glad I’ve dragged my feet and that we still have most of Paxlet’s stuff. I have sold or given some things away, but the majority of it, we still have. We will need a new-to-us bouncy seat, nursing pillow and breast pads… I will also need some maternity clothes. I do still have my favorite black pants and those should work well during the winter! Yay!

This time around I’m going to tell some people earlier. I know that no matter what happens, I will tell these people. I would like their happiness and support no matter what. So far, I’ve told one of my brother’s (older of the two) already. I’ll tell I told my sister and my dad (& by default stepmom) if when we Skyped tonight. I will tell Mr Siili’s mom tomorrow (as for some silly reason Mr Siili doesn’t want to). I’m not sure about his siblings. They’ll learn at some point. My closest friends and I will be getting together on Thursday. I’ll tell them then. I’m excited about this and already know how I will tell them. *big grin* Work people can wait a bit, and FBb even longer.

All these thoughts, just swirling around in my head.This is such a strange place to be.

 

*So it’s after midnight here in Finland and technically no longer my birthday, but I haven’t gone to sleep yet, so I can still call it my birthday.

**Even when I was having a hard time with sleep and Pax wanting to be at my boobs all. Night. Long.

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8 thoughts on “Thoughts on round two

  1. Happy Birthday!!

    I think knowing that this baby could be different in a lot of ways from Paxlet is a good thing. But I am an expect the worst hope for the best kind of girl 🙂

    I am finding having two is easy and harder at the same time. Dividing my time between them has been a challenge, but I think it is getting easier now that G finds his baby brother more interesting. I think parenting the baby itself is easier because I already know what to do/expect from a baby. I hope that makes sense!

    • It’s just all about change and the unexpected.:)
      You make sense. And I do hope Paxlet will be excited about the baby, although hopefully different than he is excited about the cats (screeching at them, chasing them and pulling tails isn’t so nice).

  2. It is natural to wonder and worry, that is what mothers do. But I can say that so far, almost everyone confesses that the second child everything is easier (retrospectively speaking, in the thick of sleep deprivation, I am afraid things look slightly different :-)).
    What I find absolutely fantastic is seeing the sibling relationship develop. It is one thing to go through it yourself, a whole another thing to see it between your children. The age gap is not that big, they will be close enough in age to enjoy the same things at a certain point. The second baby will learn things from the big brother, easier and faster. Paxlet will be old enough to understand some safety issues regarding his baby brother, which at two might be a little fuzzier. You will discover the beauty of divide-and-conquer. 🙂 You will be fine.
    I know it does not seem this way NOW, but time will fly by even faster this time. Be warned. 🙂

  3. After reading your news, last night I dreamt I was pregnant…. Then I woke up and my period started… But it’s so good to know that these things can really happen!

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