Out with the newborn, clothes that is

I would really love to have a second child and a sibling for Paxlet. I really don’t see that happening, yet I can’t help but hope and think about it. In the meantime, as Paxlet is getting older, (he’s almost 2!!) and there’s no sign of me being pregnant, Mr Siili is wanting to get rid of all of Paxlet’s too small and no-longer-used items. Mr Siili has no sentimental attachments (that I know of) to any of Paxlet’s toys or clothes. But I do.

Some clothes and other items (for ex. 1970’s Snugli carrier*, food grinder) were mine and my siblings when we were little that my mom had saved and then my step-mom and sister shipped to me. There is no doubt in my mind that I can’t get rid of those. But at the same time, Mr Siili says I should just ship them back to my siblings so they can put them in storage for themselves. But, what if we do, but some bit of magic, happen to get pregnant again. I couldn’t ask for my family to ship them to me yet again! Plus, they don’t need them just yet. If they do, I will send them straight away.

There are also some clothes and other stuff from Mr Siili’s mom. Those are easier to give back, because they live much closer and I personally don’t have as much of an emotional attachment to them and neither does Mr Siili. In addition, I wonder if his sisters (one my age and one 10 years younger) might want this stuff to use when/if they have kids. But, I don’t want to ask them about their plans because it isn’t really any of my business. But, I also don’t think my MIL wants the stuff back either, although I am sure she will take it.

The bit of stuff and clothes that I’m having an especially hard time parting (or thinking about parting) with are the clothes that have been given to Paxlet and what I have bought for him. Some of the clothes are just too cute and I loved it when he would wear them, for the short time he did. Others, such as most everything from the maternity package, I just want to save them in case we have another kid or for my siblings if/when they have kids. There are tons of almost new, great quality clothes from the maternity package that I just don’t have the heart to get rid of them; either by donating or selling on FB or at a flea market. Mr Siili says I should keep a couple of the items that are harder to replace and a few that I have the most sentimentality towards. But I just don’t find it that simple.

What have you done, or would you do, regarding your baby’s clothes? (And other small-ish items?) Have you kept everything? Nothing? A few things? What did you keep? I’m really having a hard time, mentally, figuring out what to do with this stuff. And yes, I know it is just stuff. We can buy it all again if we ever need too, but I WANT and NEED to save a few things for Paxlet when he (and his partner) possibly have their own kids someday. Paxlet, as a male, might not have mooshy feelings that I saved the stuff, but I hope his partner might.

 

*In the almost two years since I’ve  managed to track down the instructions for this vintage carrier, I’ve had 31 people ask me for them. I find that cool and amazing!

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7 thoughts on “Out with the newborn, clothes that is

  1. Oh yeah, the parting with newborn stuff. The thing is, it’s not just stuff. It’s stuff you were pregnant with and stuff your baby used. So there’s memories and emotions attached with all of it. Hence the reason it’s so hard to part with.

    So, even though I understand Mr. Siili’s point, I also know this process is NOT easy. And in the fact that you are not done building your family (at least not by choice) and the process is extra hard.

    Here’s what I suggest. First: forgive yourself for having the attachment. It is completely normal and ok. Second: pour yourself a glass of your favorite calming beverage (tea, beer, wine, you get the point) and begin sorting into 2 piles: things you can’t part with/cause stress about what to do with/ things you’d like to return or gift to others and things that you can easily part with. Once done, pack it up and send Mr. Siili out the door with that give away pile to drop off (this is important so he sees some progress). With the stuff from MIL, have him initiate that conversation (it’s his mother so he can have that conversation). With anything that is precious or you can’t bring yourself to part with now, box it up for storage. It may seem counterproductive, but it’s not about resolving all of this immediately.

    Hang in there. This process is hard with a lot of emotions wrapped up with it.

  2. As soon as Seamus started to outgrow his newborn clothes, my husband started talking about getting rid of them. I just couldn’t do it and I put it off and put it off. My emotional attachment to all of it turned out to be a good thing since we’ll actually get the chance to use it again…but I honestly thought we wouldn’t.

    I know, though, that the time will come when I’ll have to part with at least some of it, so I’ve already started to think about what I can stand to let go of. I know that there are some that I definitely won’t be able to give away: handmade items, very personal items from family and friends (eg. those that reflect the boys’ American side), gifts from my late sister-in-law, and my favourite outfits to dress them in. I agree with the previous commenter’s suggestion of going through them and separating out the clothes that mean the most to you. You have every right to hang on to those. They’re an important part of Paxlet’s infancy and of your motherhood experience. And some day he may appreciate having those mementos of his babyhood to pass on to his own children. I certainly wish that my parents had saved at least one or two outfits from my childhood, but they saved nothing. I think men tend to be unsentimental about these things, but don’t feel pressured to get rid of it all just to appease your husband. He needs to understand how much this means to you, especially since you worked so hard to become a mom. And if he still persists, maybe secretly get a quilt or pillow or stuffed animal made from some of them. 🙂

    As for the hope that you’ll someday be able to use the clothes again for another baby, would it help to set some sort of deadline for that? Say, for example, telling Mr. Siili that you’d like to wait x number of months before doing anything with them to be sure that you won’t need them again?

  3. It took me more than one year to start sorting those little clothes. And then it took me six months more to sort them again and again.
    I kept those outfits that I felt I could not live without them in my house, the outfits in which they came home, the outfits I loved, loved, loved how they fitted their little bodies, a couple of onesies, a t-shirt that has written on it “still living with my parents” (size 56 cm), the kitten booties, stuff like this. All in all, one Pampers box, the largest that holds three packs.
    The rest I gave to two friends who are pregnant and due this summer. Lucky for me, because they don’t need them, but I was much relieved knowing that I gave those tiny clothes to people I know and understand what it means to part with them. Or least will understand that.
    It is ridiculous to care so much for a palm’s worth of material, but it is more than that. That pattern of the grey overall will be forever linked to bringing George home, the end of that wait, that dream that came true, my hopes and wishes and my whole heart held in that little body that fit in that tiny overall. I close my mind and I see it. I see George in it, and how he rested on my husband’s arm, in that hospital photo. And the blue overall with the laughing whale that Stevie came home to in… He is two next month. How can that be?
    Take your time, keep what you must, time will bring some distance, so you will not have the urge to keep everything, but it will still be difficult. If you can make some money out of part of it, do that. You can get Paxlet a digger longsleeve, that he will not want to get out of. 🙂
    Try to explain to your husband the emotional process, and get him not to pressure you. I know you will regret if you do not do what you feel you must do. But to find out what you must do, you must first hold those clothes a bit more in your hands, and move them around a bit more, and then you will know.
    A sibling for Paxlet would be such wonderful news. I hold on to the hope of reading such an announcement from you.

  4. You have all my sympathy… We’ve decided to keep everything until next year, when we want to try the FET, hopefully. And then we’ll see… but I can imagine I will want to keep a few things as a memory!

  5. I like clwalchevill’s suggestion. I agree that it is going to be difficult to get rid of Izzy’s stuff if we are not able to have a second child…

    I may have missed something but I’m guessing that you guys aren’t interested in doing another IVF cycle? Do you have any frozen embryos left?

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