Making and maintaining friendships

Most of my friends who live near me are at a different stage with their kids than I am with Paxlet. As such, they are busy with their own lives and kids. I understand that, really I do, but I still miss seeing my friends sometimes. Especially more than the 1-2 times a year when I organize a get-together (and everyone says how they will organize the next one). Ok, some friends I do see a bit more often, but really, I don’t see my friends nearly as often as I would need. And it’s not for a lack of trying.

While I was on maternity leave, I knew I would have some “down time”. I decided that I would use this time to go out, and find mom & baby groups. My goal was to meet new women in the hopes that I might hit it off with some of them and make new friends who were/are in the same boat as me: first time mom. I met part of my goal. I went to many groups. I was terrified of putting myself out there, being a foreigner and having to speak Finnish, but I did it.  Yay me!

There are so many different organizations, groups, events and activities for moms & babies in my town. There was at least one group, sometimes more, each day of the work week that I could go to. It basically boiled down to what did I want to do, when and where. For a while I did go to different groups 3-5 times a week. Then I found the groups I liked the most and felt most comfortable in and only went to those, as I felt the need. (Some every week, others randomly when time and baby permitted.)

At these groups, I met some nice ladies (and their kid(s)). We chatted during the group times and and had a decent time, at least from my view point. I would even chat with them on the bus if we happened to meet up. What never happened though (mostly), is making new friends who I still chat with and hang out with now that I am back at work. Sure, if I see these ladies out and about somewhere, we will say hi and maybe chat for a sec (if time permits), but nothing more than that. I’m quite bummed about it.

If anything, I feel as if I have less friends after my maternity leave than I did before. While I know this isn’t really true, it still feels that way at times. What is true is that I don’t get enough time with the girl friends I do have. I’m not sure how to fix this problem or if it is even fixable.
How has your friendships changed before and after having your kid(s)? Do you still see your friends (regularly)? Share your friendship secrets/solutions.

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One thought on “Making and maintaining friendships

  1. Yep yep and yep, on both your friendship posts. This is stuff I have been pondering for a while. Why am I so isolated? Why don’t we see our friends more? Why don’t I see my friends more? Infertility is isolating. Bedrest was isolating. Young babies and their needs are isolating. And finally, to figure out who you want to see, you’d need to figure out who you are, and geez, I’m not really sure who the postmotherhood me really is or where she fits or who she wants to hang out with….and Im in my home country, my home town. Plus stuff with child, well it’s quite an effort. Hell, popping out to buy milk is an effort!

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