Work and nostalgia, but not necessarily at the same time

I’ve been back at work for a month now. In some ways it feels like I’ve always been there and that I never really left for just over a year. Except I now have a little boy at home and I am only working 5 hours a day. I remember the work, what to do and how most things should be handled. Sure, the team dynamics have changed a bit. Some people have left the team and others have joined it. And for some reason some people keep treating me as if I don’t remember or know how to do some of the stuff. Sure there are details that have changed, but the basic part of work is the same.

Point in case: There was a summer trainee (that I didn’t meet) who was basically dumped right into the middle of it all and expected to sink or swim. Now that he has gone, for just over a month, we are finding the aftermath of his survival floating and doggie paddling. The lack of training, this isn’t the first time this has happened, is now causing huge issues! One of these issues caused a payment of over 600,000€ to not allocate correctly. I spent 5 hours on Wednesday* going over each item line by line. I mostly figured out what was wrong, but it took another couple of hours on Thursday examining the previous month’s payment, which the summer trainee did, to figure out where things had gone wrong and how I could correct it. The actual correction only took 10 minutes or so.


As I was breastfeeding and singing Paxlet to sleep this evening, I had a thought about my mom run through my head. I wondered what songs she sang me when I was little and she was putting me to bed. This thought instantly choked me up and made me a bit sad. I’ll never know the answer to this. I do remember requesting/asking my grandma (mom’s mom) to sing a Mormon church song to me as she would rub my back to put me to sleep. The song is called “I am a Child of God” and I only remember (part of) the chorus:

Lead me, guide me, walk beside me,
Help me find the way.
Teach me all that I must do
To live with him someday.

To this day, I have no idea why this song (chorus) has stuck with me or why it appealed to me in the first place. I am not a religious person at all. But it does remind me of my grandma.


Someone commented on my Paxlet’s Pictures page saying she likes bump pictures. So I went and looked through all my weekly pictures. Man, I sure miss my pregnant belly! I truly hope I’ll get the chance to experience it again. I know I tried to and mostly succeeded in enjoying every minute of my pregnancy, but somethings (everything?) already seem so distant and like a dream.


*As I said, I only work 5 hours a day! My own tasks for Wednesday took me a couple of minutes. This case I was working on was on a co-worker’s desk. Thankfully I had time to do this.


4 thoughts on “Work and nostalgia, but not necessarily at the same time

  1. I hate it too that things that were so wonderful seem distant and surreal now. At the time I thought that pregnancy and birth and newborns would be forever imprinted in my mind, bright and shiny, never dull, never distant. Life goes on and yadayada, but still, how could I have put those memories so deep inside my head that I need pictures to bring them back?

  2. I am terrified that while I am out for my 3 months of maternity leave that my projects are going to fall apart. But I have to have faith that my co-workers are going to be able to keep things afloat while I am gone, because work will be the last thing on my mind when I have an infant!

    • Work will definitely carry on (for good or bad) while you are on maternity leave. Try not to stress about it now and definitely don’t worry about it while you are off enjoying your little one! (After all, it isn’t YOUR company and you don’t get paid to worry about this stuff. As my husband likes to tell/remind me. *grin*)

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