An update…on me

So, I haven’t posted much lately. I have lots of thoughts and ideas for stuff I would like to post (random silliness mostly), but I just haven’t felt a pressing need to get on the computer and write. I’ve baked quite a few things (French Rhubarb-Berry Pie, Spinach Dijon Quiche, Pancake Squares, Boysenberry Coffeecake, Impossible Rhubarb Pie, Rhubarb Kisseli), maybe I’ll post about them someday. I would like to write something, but I’m just feeling bleh when it comes to that. This is my attempt to get out of the bleh-ness.

– I emailed my family a couple of weeks ago that I will not be attending my youngest brother’s wedding. The family drama just doesn’t seem to be going away and I couldn’t handle it any more. My family (whether it really is my entire family or just my stepmom, who is the loudest of them all, feel this way or not, I’ll probably never truly know) is stuck on getting to know me again, without Mr Siili. Mr Siili is upset that he is being forced to be away from his son if Paxlet and I go alone. Enough is enough, I’m screwed no matter what.
Update: I’ve not heard much from my family since I’ve told them I’m not coming this summer…It hurts, but at the same time I didn’t expect anything different.

– In tears after the last Skype call with my family, I asked Mr Siili if we could go on a mini-holiday on our own, with our family of 3. I don’t want anything huge or long, just something. He said that sounds nice (although my family will probably take offense to it). I’m not getting my hopes up on this either, but it sure would be nice.

– A bit over 9 months postpartum and I am back to my general pre-pregnancy body weight and shape. Except, now that Paxlet doesn’t breast feed as much and I haven’t really cut back or given up on sweets or junk food, I’ve probably gained a couple of kilos back. Ugh! I just can’t help myself when it comes to munching and craving sweets.

– This last weekend we were at our niece’s birthday party. A guy/family we haven’t seen in 2 years or so asked who was the kid Mr Siili was holding: ours or someone else’s. When we replied it was ours, he then looked at me and down to my tummy and said: with another on the way? I was gobsmacked and offended. Who the heck says stuff like that?! I’m not totally surprised at this guy, I’ve always thought of him as white trash. (Yes, I know, very offensive, but..ugh! they so are!) And he’s one to be talking…neither he nor his wife are “skinny”. It didn’t help that Mr Siili had just commented that morning on my tummy. See above point, I know I’ve gained a couple of kilos back and it all shows in my tummy! Ugh!

– AF is back. I’ve now had two cycles with her. I still don’t like her.

– Still not much of a sex drive, but I think it might be coming back a bit now that I’m breastfeeding less and AF (meaning hormones) are cycling again. I do hope it will come back… it sucks to not physically want to be sexy with Mr Siili.

– Just over two months before I head back to work and I still don’t want to. Add in a bunch of changes at work, my big boss telling me to stay home for as long as I can with Paxlet (she knows my IF history) and I really don’t want to go back to work. On the other hand, I am so incredibly thankful to have (had) this opportunity to be home for an entire year with my little boy.

Life just keeps going on and on each day. I marvel at what my little guy learns and does each day. Life is not perfect, neither am I, but I am trying my best to be a great mom, a better wife and friend to all.

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6 thoughts on “An update…on me

  1. Oh, white trash indeed! You hear about such morons, but meeting them in real life is such a nuisance… I am trying to post something about weight as well, so far the conclusion is that if you don’t do anything about it, there are high chances that the weight will creep up. Do something when you still have breastfeeding counting for some extra cals, say like a sweet treat now and then. And don’t expect your body to be the same as before, the weight is now distributed differently.
    The same goes for the sex drive. Do the littlest of effort, and you will see that it will pay off. I do not want to make it sound as if it is a chore that you have to do, but when you are having a small child, everything needs a bit of extra effort. Don’t expect it to come back out of thin air, it won’t. Make a conscious effort and you will get back in the groove.

    • Yes, I know I need to cut out some sweets. Not all, because I honestly don’t think that is possible for me, but I definitely can do to eat less. I just need to put my mind to it.
      And you are right, the same goes for sex, I need to put my mind to it. I’m just finding it difficult to get back into the swing of things. From sex becoming a bit of a chore when TTC, to knowing having sex won’t get me pregnant, to progesterone making sex not possible (ouch), and then absolutely no sex drive during pregnancy and immediately after birth… It is just going to take a while to get back into the swing of things, so to speak. I know Mr Siili would love it more, but….excuses excuses. *grin*

  2. That is ridiculous! I can’t believe what some people feel is acceptable conversation.

    I’m so so sorry about your family troubles. Obviously I don’t know the background story, but I would be sincerely offended if my family wanted to visit me without my husband. They have a lot of gall trying to tell you what to do like that. Wow. Sending light and love.

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