Feelings of failure

The only other time I remember feeling like this much of a failure was when we were TTC. I am now to the point of tears. I am so fed up with my nipples being suckled, licked and nibbled on for over 2 hours (off and on, but mostly on) at bedtime tonight. They are so insanely sensitive it hurts. Not an actual pain, but something that has been over stimulated for so long you just can’t stand it to be touched any more type of pain. Yet, if I don’t let Paxlet continue to suck, we’ll have one majorly screaming baby on our hands (again).

And that is where I feel like a failure. I just can’t seem to figure out how to get my boy to sleep without being attached at the boob, without a lot of screaming.

After writing the above words, Paxlet is finally asleep, but he is whining and whimpering. I am sure he is having nightmares about not being able to have a boob when he wants it. And the nightmares are all because of me. I feel like such a failure.


8 thoughts on “Feelings of failure

  1. I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope he grows out of this quickly. I wish I had some advice for you, but I have no clue how to deal with that yet. Anyways I hope this passes by quickly.

  2. It is maybe just an educated guess, as only after the tooth erupts one can say ‘ahaaaaa, I KNEW IT’, but Paxlet sounds very much like he might be teething. My 7 mo Stevie was exactly like this last month and now he’s got a tiny little razor poking through. I also resorted to gum gel and when that was not enough, I gave him a Nurofen dose just to get some sleep.
    Oh, and another thing, many other mums who had problems with the little one’s sleep (restless sleep, agitated, couldn’t sleep in longer than 1 h chunks, etc) told me to go see a chiro specialised in babies, some of them found it very helpful. We went to see a chiro when George was around 11 mo, and I can’t say I saw an immediate result, or it maybe was just a natural occurence, that he grew a bit more and it just happened, but by the time he was 13-14 mo the sleeping really improved. I know this is not what you want to hear, 13 months old sounds light years ahead, I know…
    Try the Nurofen, and if it works, then the culprit is pain. Where, now that is up to you to figure out.
    For the raw nipples, I used Medela hydrogel pads, they are a bit expensive, but they work like a charm, and I would keep them in the fridge, so they were cool and gave instant relief.
    Hang on. It’s hard, but it gets better eventually.

  3. And you are very much NOT a failure. You’re just very, very tired. Be kind to yourself, this is hard. But it does get better, although not immediately. But it does.

  4. You are so not a failure. I wish I had the perfect words of advice to fix it but I don’t have a clue. I hope he overcomes quickly and you are all able to relax and not stress over it. As Mothers we try our best and adapt as we can, don’t beat yourself up!!

  5. Girl, call a lactation consultant! You should not be in this much pain and I’m sure there are things you can do to help the situation. So sorry you’re going through this!

    • The pain isn’t what is bad…ok, last night it was horrible, but it wasn’t so much pain as over-sensitization (is that a word?) Have you ever had a spot on your body rubbed so much that you just can’t stand to have it touched anymore? Well, that’s basically what happened with my nipple last night. That was the first that had gotten that bad, since Paxlet was first born and we were both learning how to breastfeed.

  6. We have STRUGGLED with our daughter’s sleep as well. Here’s part of our story:


    It was so bad that we brought her to a sleep doctor. He was immensely helpful and Harriet has been doing a million times better. This website below is also so, so, so great. I was very against these methods at the beginning and I hate the website’s negative title, but it’s a last resort and it totally works. Best of luck to you as you navigate this issue. It is so exhausting, but someday you will sleep. I promise.


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