Possibility

Today has been a good day. I didn’t quite think it would go that way because our cats kept waking us up throughout most of the night. They ran, they chased, they whined, they puked and they ran and whined some more. I was exhausted by the time my alarm went off this morning. But, I got up, took a shower and headed to my friend’s house like planned. *warning – pregnancy talked about in the 3rd and 6th paragraphs down*

I had begged and bribed said friend to go to lunch with me as I had a coupon for lunch that expired next week. But she had already promised to make gingerbread cookies with her daughter, so I was invited to help and then we’d go to lunch after that.

My friend’s daughter is so adorable! She’s 2,5 years old and just as cute and sweet as can be. She also thinks I’m pretty cool. This little girl spent an hour to an hour and a half rolling out her ball of cookie dough, making cookies, scrunching the dough up and then repeating the process all over again. She also ate half her ball of cookie dough (~1/4 to 1/3 cup) during this time! lol. When I got bored of making cookies (yes, I got bored before the little girl) I just hung out and chatted with everyone. When the girl got done making cookies, she asked to help her put her new puzzle together (by way of her mom suggesting it). After the girl put 2-3 pieces together, she just told me to do it myself. lol.

It was around this time that the mom was taking pictures of the little girl. So I figured I’d show her some of my recent pictures. *grin* I handed her my phone and with some xmas decorations showing and told her to just scroll to the right to see more. After about 4 or 5 pictures came up the 3rd pregnancy test I took yesterday. M friend froze and then asked “What’s this? What is it? Is it…?” and then she turned to me and whispered “Are you pregnant?”. All I could do was smile (grin?) and nod. She started crying, which made me cry! lol. She was so ecstatic, which made me very happy. This friend has been there for me during all of this and more. She also told me early on in her pregnancy with her girl in hopes of making it a bit less harder for me to hear. (I’m forever thankful for that.) The rest of the afternoon she’s just get this grin on her face and whisper “you’re pregnant!”. I’m truly glad so many others are this excited for me while I am trying to find my own excitement.

Then it was lunch time for the girl. She got a bit whiny (not that bad at all) because she hadn’t taken a nap the day before (yes, the effect accumulates, I was informed). As the girl was waiting for her mom to bring her drink, she was just fussing and being tired. So, I sat with her and started feeding her. She can feed herself, but this seemed to make her happy and not whiny. Her mom just laughed when she walked back in the room. I ended up feeding the entire bowl of food to the girl. lol

After lunch, it was time for us all to get dressed and head downtown. The girl wanted me, not her mom, to help her put her clothes on. I told her she had to help me because I didn’t know what to do. So, she laid on the floor with her feet up in the air for me to put her stockings on. After that, I tried putting her hat on backwards, her shoes on her feet and so on. She got pretty silly and wasn’t so helpful, so I told her that I couldn’t help her any more and it was time for me to put my own shoes on. I got one of my own boots on when she was serious enough to help me help her to get dressed. But not before she fully trusted me to catch her as she fell back on me, repeatedly. lol. This girl is so sweet! Did I mention how much she likes me? *beams proudly*

Two days ago, this wonderful and fun afternoon with my friend and her daughter would have left my heart aching for the possibility of what could be if only I had a child of my own. And now, knowing that I have something growing inside of me, there IS a definitely possibility of these events happening for me with my own child. (Don’t get me wrong, I know anything can happen between now and 9 months, but I’m not going to worry or bother about that for as much as I can.)

The song below, Possibility by Lykke Li, has been in my head the last several days. I was listening to it at work earlier this week and I copied the words into a post for later. It didn’t sit there for long waiting to be talked about, because I just can’t get it out of my head. This is a beautiful and hauntingly sad song. I love it. The words, melody and voice just speak to me so deeply right now. 

Lykke Li – Possibility

There’s a possibility
There’s a possibility
All that I had was all I’m gonna get
mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

There’s a possibility
There’s a possibility
All I gonna get is gone with your step
All I gonna get is gone with your stare

So tell me when you hear my heart stop
You’re the only one that knows
Tell me when you hear my silence
There’s a possibility I wouldn’t know
mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Know that when you leave
Know that when you leave
By blood and by me, you walk like a thief,
By blood and by me, and I fall when you leave

So tell me when you hear my heart stop
You’re the only one that knows
Tell me when you hear my silence
There’s a possibility I wouldn’t know

So tell me when my sigh is over
You’re the reason why I’m closed
Tell me when you hear me falling
There’s a possibility it wouldn’t show
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

By blood and by me, and I’ll fall when you leave.
By blood and by me, I follow your lead.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

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