I can’t believe it! Those BFPs are mine!!!

I tested twice this morning and didn’t or just couldn’t believe that those faint second lines were actually BFP lines. They had to be evaporation lines (even though it had been less than 10 min since I tested).

On my way to work I went and bought a different kind of test and held my pee for the next several hours. But before I tested at work, I called my clinic to see what happens next if I am indeed pregnant. I told the nurse that I wasn’t sure if the tests I did in the morning were positive or not and that I was going to test again later today. The nurse said I should just wait until tomorrow! As if I could do that!! I mean, I probably will test again tomorrow, but no way was I going to only/just wait until then to re-test.

I tried asking about betas being taken, but I have no idea what they would be called in Finnish, so I only mentioned blood tests. She said that a blood test would reveal the same results as a home test. When I explained to the nurse in more detail (using many small Finnish words) what I meant by ‘blood test’ and ‘beta’, she said they don’t do that at this clinic, they have too many patients for that. I still have no idea if they do beta draws in Finland at all or if this is just a public clinic standard. Oh well, no betas for me. Well, unless I start spotting or there are other complications, then I’ll get betas taken. Let’s hope the later doesn’t happen.

I was also informed to continue taking the progesterone (that I knew) and to call again on Monday with the “official” results. At that point, if I truly am pregnant, an appointment will be made in 3 or so weeks (January sometime) to see how everything is going. O M G! I would really have to wait that long to be seen? Oh well, that’s how it is done at this clinic. If there is anything I have learned about IF treatments, they vary considerably from clinic to clinic and especially around the world.
And this is what I got when I tested just after lunch. A huge freaking BFP!!

I still don’t believe! Or rather, I do believe it, but not really.

I know my news is going to be hard for many and for that I’m so very sorry. (I won’t be offended or hurt (not much at least *hugs*), for those of you who need to un-follow me.) This isn’t the end of IF for me and my struggles won’t just go away. There have been way too many tears for all of it to just be forgotten. It’s been almost 3,5 years that we’ve been trying to get even this far. This is just the beginning of a new phase in this whole ‘trying to get pregnant’ process and I know that nothing is ever certain. I’ve followed too many other IFers through their journey to know the facts of it all. This very well could end sadly at any moment. But, until something changes, I’m going to try and wrap my head around this new information and try not to offend too many. At the same time, know that this is my blog and my journey, I write here what I feel I need to. This blog has given me the outlet I’ve needed when things have been their worst (and best). Then, when I found this wonderful IF and ALI community via the Stirrup Queens‘ blog earlier this year, I just can’t imagine my life without you all. Thank you for your support and kind words.
I can’t believe I rambled on this much… (Mr Siili could.)