Two too many for Tuesday

Originally I was going to title this “Two for Tuesday” and have 2 items under each emotion, but I realized that sometimes I just have too many items to go under one emotion. Instead you get my words spewed out in the order of what is popping up in my head.

– I miss my mom something fierce. As I lay in bed last night snuggling with Moose, I got to thinking about my mom, how so much of her stuff and family photos, etc are in the US. So far away from me. But if I bring them here, or even part of them, then my family in the US won’t have them there. I started sobbing. I wish Moose was bigger to snuggle with.

– I’ve spotted a bit off and on since Friday. It frustrates me. I hate endometriosis and I hate the fact that I don’t have any of the “normal” symptoms of it, as maybe it would have been diagnosed earlier. What if, what if…

– I’m physically tired. I should have gotten to bed earlier than I did last night, but I was crying. And then I couldn’t calm down, so I read myself to sleep. I’m most of the way through the 11th book, Cerulean Sins, in the Anita Blake series by Laurel K. Hamilton.

– I’m mentally tired. Three plus years of TTC without a single BFP just sucks! I’m so tired of it all, but still can’t imagine myself or my life not trying to get pregnant. Maybe someday, but definitely not yet.

– I brought tickets for the midnight showing of Breaking Dawn Part1 with 5 friends/coworkers. I’m so freakin’ school girl excited!

– I got a flu shot yesterday and now my arm is sore. I also have another bruise to add to my collection of them. At least I know where this one came from, the one just below my knee, I have no idea where it came from. I probably walked into something. I just don’t do corners well.

– I went to gym yesterday. Lately during BodyBalance, I get all teary-eyed each time I see the pregnant ladies in the class. I also think Adele’s song of Rolling in the Deep doesn’t help. Again, it’s the combo of other pregnant women and memories of my mom. BodCombat was great!

– As I got ready for work this morning, Mr Siili was still peacefully sleeping. His face was just serene and beautiful.

– I have a clinic appointment tomorrow for what I hope is the start of IVF #3. The appointment should have been last week, but I screwed up the time. The nice lady who called me (and saved me a trip there to a closed-for-the-day office) helped me set up a new appointment. I wonder if I was charged for the missed appointment. Oh well. I’m excited and nervous about the appointment, as usual.

– I need to finish cleaning and tidying up our apartment. I’ve asked friends to come over for 11.11.11. It’s the first time in AGES! I’ve had people over. It’s been a good excuse for me to clean, because I’ve been so unmotivated for a long time. Plus it’ll be great to see my friends again.

– There was a most beautiful sunset this evening. Brilliant purple and fire red in the sky. Too bad my phone couldn’t capture it.

– I cried again this evening when going through all the knitted items that my mom made. They still smell like her place.

– Again, it is late and I should be in bed already. But I can’t complain. I have a very good reason for still being awake: Mr Siili changed my mind about watching a show to creating a “show” of our own. LOL. Plus, I needed to write this.


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