As ICLW winds down for the week and month, I hope everyone has gotten something out of the comment leaving, whether it be big or small. Any time I get a comment it helps me know that I am not alone, especially on some of my darker days. This week was no exception.
– This morning started out with me sniffly and then in tears over my mom. I still miss my mom tons and I find that I just want to call her and talk about things or ask her something. I’ll never be able to do that again. Some things are just going to be lost to me forever. And it kills me. This sadness has followed me most of the day. Not even diving into work made it go away. I just felt so hollow and empty inside that I almost expected someone, anyone at work to stop me and ask what’s wrong. But I guess I’m a good actress as no one seemed to look at me twice or ask what’s up.
– I was going to leave home early so I could go to the pharmacist before work. I left the house 1 minute too late, because I saw the bus already at the stop and there was no way i was going to run for it today. Actually, I’ve decided that the bus was too early this morning, or rather exactly on time. I walked a few bus stops in hope of catching a different bus line, but they all leave about the same time, so I saw them all pass on by in front of me. By the time I did catch the next bus, it was late downtown because of some construction work. So I didn’t go to the pharmacist before work.
– My underwear decided it was a good day to ride up my ass, on one side. (God that sounds so stupid and laughable when typed out.)
– I went to the pharmacist during my lunch break, only to find out that I left my wallet at work.
– On a positive note, I didn’t receive my normal mass influx of work emails, which allowed me to get caught upon some work. I still have tons more to do tomorrow. Isn’t that how work is, though?
– I went to the pharmacist after work to get my asthma and progesterone prescriptions filled and there was a long line. Thankfully they have numbers to take so I could walk around and get the O-tests I needed. Although, I couldn’t find the O-tests and finally had to ask someone. They were right next to the pregnancy tests, I was just blind. I bought the cheaper brand. It was also the one that didn’t have the smiley, happy baby on it. Only a flower. On a positive note, the progesterone is covered by the Social Insurance, so I only had to pay 1,50€ for the 2 boxes (total) instead of 37€ each. Unlike the Lugesterone I had been using all of these previous times, which I am allergic to, and I had to pay 17€ per box as the Social Insurance wouldn’t cover it. Let’s hope I don’t have any allergic reactions to this stuff.
– I got home and my cat meowed at me. Like he always does when I get home, but some days I just wish he would shut up. I feel bad for thinking that. I gave him and his sister their evening treats and he was content for a while.
– Dinner wasn’t cooked when I got home and I felt way too lazy to cook it myself. So, I had peanut butter on Saltine crackers for dinner. A few of them even had a tiny piece of dark chocolate on top, for dessert.
– I told Mr Siili that my day was just crappy and I cried a bit more. I’m quite sure a fair share of this moodiness and hormonalness is due to the pending O. So, in a nut shell, that’s my crap-tastic day. It’s a big nut shell, I think it’s a coconut. I know none of these things are that bad, but when I’m feeling down and out, everything just seems multiplied.
– After a two hour break while Mr Siili and I watched 2 episodes of Fringe, I’m feeling a bit less sullen and sad. I’m now just extremely tired. It’s off to bed with aforementioned meow-y putty tat for me.